Deception Tip 42:
Often times, liars place their hand on the back of their neck as if to massage away the tension in telling a lie.
Hello and welcome to the deception tips podcast where you will learn amazing cues to detect deceit that will help you read people like never before, I’m your host Spencer Coffman, let’s get started.
Welcome to deception tip number 42. Last week we talked about a cool sign of deception that is almost like the Pinocchio effect which we effectively renamed the Rudolph effect. Why?
Because when people’s nose turns red, it has nothing to do with Pinocchio, Pinocchio when he lied his nose grew. Humans, when they lie, their nose turns a little bit red, almost like they’re blushing but they’re blushing on their nose.
For some reason, it was called the Pinocchio effect because of Pinocchio. When he tells a lie his nose grows. However, it should be called the Rudolph effect because Rudolph had a red nose.
Now, I understand the connection between Pinocchio and him when he lied, something happened to his nose. Whereas Rudolph, there’s really nothing with Rudolph lying and why the nose was red, but humans when they lie their nose turns red a little bit.
We brought that up briefly last week, really what we focused on was how humans when they lie, they touch the bottom of their nose in a side-to-side motion, usually, with one finger.
This is because they have some sensitive tissue down there that starts to tingle when they lie, almost like when the back of their neck tingles when they lie. I mentioned that in episode 38 when they have that tension they need to massage it away.
Today, we are going to continue talking about that how there’s some sensitive tissue around the body that humans tend to massage away that tension or touch it when they are lying. The reason they do this is that when they lie there is some discomfort there, they are trying to do something that is unnatural. We naturally want to tell the truth, it is our unconscious’ desire that the truth goes out, that it’s set free.
The conscious is more selfish, the conscious really wants to get away with things, wants to make things easy, wants to get rid of the blame, and wants to pass it off to other people.
It wants to go through life happy-go-lucky not take any responsibility, not do anything like that, it wants to be a child. The unconscious says, “No, you need to grow up, you need to take that responsibility, you need to tell the truth, whatever the case may be.”
So, they’re always fighting back and forth, and the unconscious always wants that truth to come out. This is why the nose may start to tingle or be sensitive because it is unconscious, nonverbal behavior that is trying to come out and have the truth be exposed, so that was that.
Today, as I said, we’re going to talk about a continuation or not really a continuation but a very similar behavior that could be witnessed as a part of a cluster with the previous behavior that we talked about last week. It could also be witnessed as a cluster and will most definitely be witnessed as a cluster with the behavior of massaging away that tense neck in episode 38.
We talked about how the neck can become tense and the veins may protrude, like the muscles and the veins will tense up almost like in anger. When people get really mad and you start to see those veins and the tendons and stuff protrude from their neck and it’s almost like they’re about to turn green or something, that can be seen in intense anger. When people are lying, that could also be seen but it’s not from anger, it is from the tension and stress involved in telling a lie.
So, therefore, their neck muscles may get tensed, may protrude, veins will come out, etc., so they will want to massage away that tension. I mentioned last week how sometimes when people lie, they may put their hand to the back of their neck almost as if they’re massaging away that tension.
The way that you can tell this is they’re not really massaging away that tension when they do it, it’s more of a quick gesture like we talked about last week with the nose being a side-to-side motion.
It’s not a pull or it’s not really rubbing the nose or holding in that sneeze type of behavior, it’s not something that they’re doing for an extended period of time. This is something that is a little faster, it’s a little quicker, it’s more of a hand to the back of the neck, and then it’s gone.
So, with that, here it is, this is deception tip number 42 and it is the back of the neck. Oftentimes, liars place their hand on the back of their neck as if to massage away the tension in telling a lie. Here it is again, deception tip number 42. Oftentimes, liars place their hand on the back of their neck as if to massage away the tension in telling a lie.
So, this will release tension and stress. Remember that when liars are telling their lies, they are under a tremendous amount of tension and stress, that’s all they’re under, they are stressed. Let’s break it down again, I know I did this a long time ago, several months, but let’s break it down. What goes into telling a lie? Why are they so tense and stressed?
So, number one, they committed something wrong, they did something wrong or they messed up somewhere, so now they’re worried. Maybe they’re not stressed about it, they are, they’re stressed about it, they’re worried and or anxious about whatever they messed up with, so that’s the first thing.
Then they decide that well, I don’t want to be punished for it, I don’t want the consequence, so now they’re stressed out about the potential consequence, they’re anxious about that. So, they are stressed about whatever they did now, they’re stressed about whatever the consequence could be, so they decide that they need to cover it up, they need to lie.
Now they are stressed about coming up with a believable lie, so that’s another thing, then they have to tell that lie. Now they’re stressed about how they can convincingly tell that lie, coming up with it, stressed about the consequence, stressed about what they did. They’re stressed about the lie they’re telling, not only do they need to tell it but they need to worry about whether or not someone is going to believe it.
So, now they’re stressed about that person believing the lie, then when the situation arises and they need to tell that lie, they’re stressed about the actual encounter of it. So, the in-the-moment stress of, “Oh my gosh, they’re not believing me, I’m telling it, are they believing me? Look at their body language, I don’t know what to do, I’m so worried I’m going to get caught.”
So, that’s another thing, they’re worried about getting caught in the lie which then is going to compound and make them worried about that consequence. Now, it’s no longer the consequence of whatever they messed up with, it’s that consequence plus the consequence of the fact that they lied about it.
So, now it’s a compound, it’s really a snowball effect. It starts off as this little snowball of, they messed up, if they tell the truth snowball just gets a little bigger then it goes away, no big deal.
However, if they lie, they start rolling the snowball down the hill and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger until pretty soon it hits a tree at the bottom of the hill, and it explodes because of the tension and stress that was building up along the way and they just can’t take it anymore.
So, that is why there is tension and stress in lying and being deceptive, it is huge. There is a lot of tension, a lot of stress and it comes out in the body all over the place. We’re going to talk more about it coming right up after this.
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Once again, we are on deception tip number 42, thank you for your continued listening to this because it is very important for you to know the truth, to know when you’re being lied to so that you can live a more successful and happy life. It is important, why?
Success, happiness, etc., obviously, you want to live and be happy. Why does this help you be happy? Well, if you know you’re not getting taken advantage of and you know you’re not being lied to you can go through life with a little bit more peace of mind.
So, today we’re talking about how liars will place their hand on the back of their neck as if to massage away the tension in telling a lie. Why are they stressed, why do they have that tension? We just went over that because in telling a lie, they’re worried about so many different things, they messed up, they’re telling the lie, they’re worried about being caught, if they’re going to be believed, etc.
The consequence of not only the behavior that they did where they messed up but also, now of getting caught in the lie, so there’s just a lot of tension, a lot of stress with lying. One of the behaviors is massaging away that tension and stress, this isn’t really a typical neck massage where they put both their hands and they’re kind of rubbing their neck on the sides of the neck to ease some pressure some tension, whatever the case may be.
This is more of them lying and remembering way back in a different episode where we talked about how they step backward. That was in episode 29, where they step backward and raise their hands as if to ward off the accusation.
Today touching the back of the neck, is a combination of behaviors. So, they’re raising their hand as if to ward off an accusation, but instead of keeping that hand up, boom, it goes to the back of the neck where they just touch.
They may squeeze a little bit but then that hand is going to come off and it’s going to go back to whatever it was doing. So, it’s more of a quick gesture this whole thing, the whole gesture from start to finish is probably going to be less than a few seconds. So, they’re going to be telling the lie, the hand is going to go up, touch the back of the neck, boom, it’s going to be done, they’re going to continue talking using their hand gestures, etc.
So, if you blink you might miss it, that’s how quick it is, this is something it’s not as fast as a micro expression. This is definitely longer than a second, it’s longer than two seconds, but it’s definitely less than 4, it’s a very quick behavior.
So, if you see someone with their hands behind their neck massaging it for an extended period of time it’s possible that they just have vertebrae out of place. Maybe they’re tense, maybe they have a kink in the neck from sleeping funny, etc.
It’s not something to worry about unless you start seeing other clusters and patterns of behavior that go with that. This is more the quick behavior, remember they’re warding off the accusation. It could also be like when people testify, they raise their right hand to take that pledge or to take that oath. So, if you see it with people’s right hand then they put it up then they go in the back then like warding off the accusation.
They’re putting the right hand like I swear I’m telling the truth then they put it behind their neck to massage away that tension then they put it back, etc. One thing to note though is if people are right-hand dominant, so they write with the right hand or their right-handed then typically they’re going to use their right hand to go massage away that tension and stress. So, that could be the oath thing is maybe a hit and miss, it’s not something you can count on, but it is a part of a cluster and a pattern.
So, if you see, oh, it’s a right hand, they raised it up, they’re massaging away that tension, it was very quick. I saw their veins protruding in their neck, you’ve seen like four different signs, that is a cluster, that is a pattern of behaviors.
Now, you need to start poking and prodding at whatever they were talking about to see if you can bring out even more. Because anytime you start to see some of these patterns and clusters, you are not certain of what they’re lying about.
You don’t know what the truth is yet, you don’t know exactly what the lie is, all you know is that they are lying or that they are not telling the truth. That means you need to further examine and poke and prod to get at the truth. So, you need to rephrase your question, ask it again, get some more details and see if you can get them to exhibit some more signs of deception.
If they are lying, chances are they are going to exhibit a lot more signs of deception. They’re going to show you some different patterns, some different clusters of behavior. They may start to exhibit some withholding patterns such as folding their arms, backing up, crouching down, etc.
They may start to tell you straight-up lies which in case they may start to have some more gestural slips or some speech pattern problems or misalignments with synchronization or symmetrically, things like that.
So, pay attention to the patterns and the clusters, when you start to see those patterns and clusters of behavior, poke and prod a little bit more, dig deeper because that means you are onto something and the truth is about to be revealed. So, continue to look for those signs of deception.
Again, the back of the neck, it’s a quick gesture, it’s just back, they touch it, they move forward. Why? Because it is sensitive, it is like when we talked about the nose, where there is that sensitive tissue at the bridge of the nose at the bottom, it’s almost like an itch.
You hear all the time in the movies where people say did the hair on the back of your neck stand up. What are you talking about the hair on the back of the neck standing up because you were scared or something?
No, it’s also because when you lie there is that slight fear that you may be found out in the lie, that someone may be caught, that the truth may be found, and you may be caught in the lie. That is why the liars have that massaging the tension of the back of their neck, they touch the back of the neck.
It’s almost like the hair on the back of the neck is standing up because they’re afraid they’re about to get caught in the lie, so they touch the back of their neck to put the hair back down. That could be a way to look at it but that’s not really what it is.
However, that goes with the superstition with the sayings to help you remember, when people touch the back of their neck, they’re pushing down that hair because they’re afraid that they’re going to get caught in their lie.
It is something that when you do get scared, you do notice that the hair on the back of your neck might stand up. It doesn’t really stand up, that’s just you’re going to get goosebumps and when you get goosebumps all of your little pores and stuff, they’re contracting which then makes your hair stand up taller because it’s pushing it out, it’s shrinking. That’s why they say when you shave, shave with some goosebumps, then you’ll get a closer shave because your hair is being pushed further out of your pore or out of that follicle.
So, then when it shuts and opens back up, the hair root will go down further, so then you’ll have a closer shave, a little shaving tip for you for your ladies for your legs, for guys for your face, you got to shaving tip bonus. Anyway, watch those back of the neck gestures, remember last week we talked about the nose side to side back and forth motion, look for patterns, look for clusters, and keep listening.
I want to thank you for listening to this week’s episode of the deception tips podcast. I really hope that you’ll share with your friends, subscribe to the feed, check out the deception tips videos and the deception tips blog, and take a look at the books I have available as always tune in next week for a new deception tip.
Hey guys, my name is Spencer Coffman, thank you for watching the deception tips videos. They’re all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that you’ll be able to tell if someone is lying to you. Today, we have a cool sign of deception that is really a great behavior for you to watch for because it’s so obvious. It also ties back to video number 38 when we talked about tension in the neck.
If you remember that, we’re going to talk more about tension in the neck today and how people will display that especially when they’re lying. When people lie, they’re tense, they’re stressed, they’re anxious, pre-panic attack modes for some people, adrenaline rush, something like that and it’s all building up inside of them. So, they need to get rid of that tension somehow, they need to massage it away or pacify it.
So, here it is, this deception tip is number 42 and it’s all about the neck. Oftentimes, liars will place their hand on the back of their neck as if to massage away the tension in telling a lie. So, that’s what this one is about, it’s about putting their hand back here and they’re rubbing, it’s really like a neck massage. It’s not going to be for very long, it’ll usually be right after a question is asked.
So, if we say, “Where were you the other day?” “Let’s see, I was at XYZ place” it’ll be something like that example and it’s not just going to be a touch of the back of the neck. It’s going to be a full-out, they’re going to reach back there and try to massage away some of the tension in those neck muscles and vertebrae’s and ligaments and all that kind of stuff.
They’re really easing some stress because obviously when you get a massage it feels good, so when people are massaging their own neck it feels good. So, when someone’s lying and they’re trying to lie, that doesn’t feel that good because most people don’t want to lie, most people do not like lying, they don’t enjoy lying. Oftentimes, they say liars get that feeling in the pit of their stomach because it makes them feel a little sick or something because your conscious does not want you to lie.
So, the conscience is battling and that’s really your unconscious, your conscience, it’s all together. It’s your conscious that wants to lie, your conscience is your guide and then the unconscious is fighting on behalf of your conscience, so to speak. So, it’s a lot of confusing terminologies, you’ve heard it all before but that’s okay.
When people lie, it doesn’t feel natural and so by doing this and rubbing their neck, they’re taking that feeling that they don’t like, that terrible feeling and they’re massaging and replacing it with a good feeling. So, it’s like, ah, and then they’re able to answer that question or tell that lie, so watch out for that.
Keep in mind that some people maybe they were in a car accident, they have whiplash, they had some kind of thing happen, maybe they’re vertebrae are out and so after a while, maybe they’re talking, and they notice something is funky with their neck. So, every once in a while, maybe they put their hand back there to pop things back into place, that could be just how they are.
So, you need to watch out for legitimate reasons behind these behaviors, maybe they were having a rough day at the computer all day, down like this typing and their neck is stiff so they massage it when they’re talking to you. You never know what the reason behind it could be.
Which is why if you notice that now you can say, “Hey, wait a minute, he’s touching his neck and it’s more than just a touch it’s a massage, so something could be going on there but I haven’t seen any other deceptive signs, well maybe it’s nothing.” However, if you start seeing other deceptive signs now you say, well, maybe it is something, let’s ask some more questions, investigate, dig a little deeper and see what can come along.
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Until next time.