
Deception Tip 1:
Liars will often fold their arms defensively in an unconscious attempt to minimize body language.
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Podcast Transcript
Hello, and welcome to the deception tips podcast. Where you will learn amazing cues to detect deceit that will help you read people like never before. Iโm your host Spencer Coffman. Letโs get started.
Welcome to Episode 1 of the deception tips podcast. Today weโre going to examine one of the deception tips, the first one. Deception tips are something that is very essential to help you learn how to read people and detect deceit.ย
Understanding body language is something that is very important in todayโs society. Especially with what is going on now. More people now, than ever before, are stepping up and wanting to learn what is going on with body language. People are fascinated by all of these things that are displayed by us as humans.
Why they are fascinated is because these behaviors are universal. They show up in everyone across all races no matter what language you speak, no matter where youโre from, whether you grew up in the West, in a 3rd world, or in the middle of the jungle.ย
These behaviors and mannerisms are universal across everybody and that is why people are so fascinated with them. Because, if you can look at someone without knowing what theyโre saying, you can just watch them whether you have it on mute or whether youโre in a different room, or whether theyโre speaking a different language.ย
And if you can instantly know whether or not that person is telling the truth. Wouldnโt you want to do that? Wouldnโt you want to know? Of course, you would. And that is why this is taking the world by storm.
Look at all of the politicians out there. What if, when you were watching the news, you could see them talking about their campaign as theyโre running and you know their responses to certain questions and you say, โyou know what, Iโm not going to vote for him or I am going to vote for herโ or whatever the case may be because you can know, you can tell whether or not they are lying, whether they are being deceptive or not.ย
These deception tips are really going to help you do that. This is the first one. Youโre going to learn what it is, youโre going to learn how to spot it, and youโre going to learn what it means. In addition to that, youโre going to learn a whole lot more.
But first, before we get into that. keep in mind that you can always check out the other resources I have available. There is a lot of stuff out there from me and from everybody else.ย
Deception, as I said, is taking the world by storm. People are tired of being scammed, conned, lied to, and having the wool pulled over their eyes. Theyโre tired of it. Theyโre sick of it. They donโt want to be cheated on. They donโt want to have broken hearts. I mean, who does? Do you like the pain and suffering that goes with being hurt?ย
No, you donโt. Nobody does. If you do, there is a term for that and itโs a sickness. You, like anyone else, are interested in this or you wouldnโt be listening to this podcast. There are tons of other resources out there. You can check mine out. Iโve got books, blogs, this podcast, and videos out there that you can use to learn more about body language.
Now here we are deception Tip Number One: liars often fold their arms defensively in an unconscious attempt to minimize body language. What that means is when someone lies, unconsciously, it means that they will do it without thinking about it. It is universal. A natural reaction.ย
The reason it is unconscious is that the unconscious mind is non-deceptive. It means that tells the truth. The unconscious brain is very truthful, and it is our conscious mind that is deceptive.
Humans are always plotting to deceive. No matter what the case, theyโre scheming and conniving but the unconscious works very, very hard to put that truth out there. It is how it reconciles the difference between conscious and unconscious. If youโre consciously lying, your unconscious is going, to tell the truth. So to balance it out, so that you donโt somehow morally become this evil, nasty person. Itโs your conscious way of coping with yourself.
It is like your conscience being pushed through your body so that you can sleep at night, basically is what it is you. Then youโre not thinking about it. When youโre consciously telling this lie, your unconscious is telling the truth.ย
So somehow, unconsciously it balances out and youโre good to go you can sleep and not worry about it. Thatโs kind of a simple mechanism behind the reason that the unconscious is truthful. There is a lot more scientific stuff that goes into that, but that is kind of a good way to grasp it and understand it.
The tip again: liars will often fold their arms defensively, in an unconscious attempt to minimize body language defensively because they are defending. Theyโre defending their truth. Anytime that a liar says something, in the back of their mind, theyโre thinking, โOh no. Theyโre going to find out,โ or โOh no, they know,โ or โThey donโt believe me.โย
So when they cross their arms theyโre defending themselves. It is like when you confront someone in an argument and they immediately become defensive. Right? Because they already know that you donโt believe them. So when a liar gets defensive, thatโs when they cross their arms, thatโs when they fold their arms.
Why do they do it? why do they fold their arms? Why is that such a lying posture for these people? One of the big reasons is that when people tell a lie, they try to take up as little space as possible because they donโt want people to see what is going on in their bodies.ย
They do this, unconsciously, because if the conscious mind is telling us this lie, the unconscious is showing these behaviors that are trying to tell the truth to combat this discrepancy. So, unconsciously, youโre going to start minimizing yourself, and consciously, so that there are fewer behaviors to be noticed.
It is like a battle that goes on in your mind that youโre not even thinking about because most of what happens is nonverbal. So you are battling between these two. Youโre minimizing yourself to take up less space so that those people out there, like yourself, can eventually be able to read people.ย
If you can read someone and there is a liar there and that liar starts minimizing himself, or herself so that it makes it harder for you to interpret their body language. That is why they may fold their arms defensively to kind of huddle that up so that you can see less of their body. Then you will have a harder time interpreting what is going on.
Another thing, we kind of touched on this, they take up less space and that is so that you canโt see them. Liars all over are taking up less space and, weโll get into this more later as the Tips go on, but generally, the more confident a person is they tend to spread out.ย
Look at the CEO of a company or at a board meeting or something like that. Thatโs the person with their hands behind their heads, leaning back in the chair, their feet are up on the table, theyโre sprawled out. Whereas all the other people have a little 2-foot by 2-foot space at the table for all their notes and everything. The CEOs got the entire end of the table. Right there at the head of the table. Confident people take up more space. When youโre lying, you fold in, you huddle.
When a man folds his arms and a woman folds her arms, theyโre not the same. Now, you have to keep in mind that not everybody who folds arms is lying. I just made that a lot harder. I threw a curveball in there.ย
When someone folds their arms doesnโt immediately mean that they are defensive or deceptive. There are many reasons anyone could perform any of these behaviors. They could consciously be folding their arms. If theyโre consciously doing it, that means that itโs not an unconscious way of getting the truth out.
So now you canโt interpret it as deceptive behavior. Anybody can consciously do any of these things, so no matter what the deception tip is, or the sign, people can train themselves to do them consciously. Even things like microexpressions, which will touch on later. And you may even know about them or do some research about them. You canโt train yourself to display certain micro-expressions.
Microexpressions, briefly, are split-second reactions on your face- a twitch, an eye movement, a little muscle spasm, something like that, that happens in a fraction of a second that people can pick up on and see and their unconscious truthful behaviors.ย
People can train themselves to show those micro-expressions. People can train themselves to cross their arms. They can think and learn when to consciously exhibit some of these deceptive behaviors to throw people off when they lie.
So that makes it a lot more difficult for you when you are trying to interpret the truth. The good thing is, most people out there have not studied this they donโt understand it and they donโt know what goes into it.ย
So most of the people that you are going to encounter when you see these behaviors are not going to be maliciously trying to deceive you by incorporating these unconscious behaviors into their conscious repertoire of behaviors. So that is a good thing. You can put your mind at ease. And as you get better at this youโll start to see them and notice them on yourself and others. But right now weโre going to take a break so stay tuned.
Would you like to know if you are being lied to? Lies are everywhere and they could be happening to you. โA Guide To Deceptionโ is a great book filled with information on how to spot lies. Get your copy today online at SpencerCoffman.com
When a man folds his arms itโs higher up on their chest. Due to a womanโs anatomy, their arm folds are more along their belly. That is something to consider. If you see a man who folds his arms along his belly, thatโs kind of unusual right?ย
For most men, when we fold our arms, itโs up on our chest. Kind of like a moment of pride. To puff up. So if heโs folded his arms on his belly, that may not mean is folding his arms he maybe, maybe his stomach hurts. So there are other non-deceptive reasons that people can do any of these behaviors.
In addition to the malicious reasons, they would use these behaviors as another form of deception to try to get you to believe theyโre leaking the truth or telling the truth when theyโre not.ย
You know if I told the truth and then folded my arms, and backed up and gave you some behaviors that might be corresponding with deception, then you might think, โoh, he might be lying there,โ but I just told the truth and I did that to get you to think I was lying.ย
But youโre not going to encounter a lot of those people. So thatโs not something that you need to worry about yet, but as we go through these deception tips always keep that in mind that any one sign is never enough to determine whether or not someone is telling the truth.
You must look for groups of signs, or patterns, also known as clusters of behavior because if someone folds their arms, they could be cold. Women typically fold their arms a lot more than men. A big reason for that is because theyโre usually always colder than men.ย
You know this to be true. Thereโll be the man and the woman and theyโre watching a movie together on the couch. Theyโve got the blanket, the man gets hot. Throws a blanket over. The woman, canโt get enough blankets. Thatโs just how it is.
Anatomy-wise and differences, men are usually typically a little bit more hot-blooded, and women are a little bit more cold-blooded. Now again, weโre talking about anatomy, not mentality. When people are folding their arms, keep that in mind. That itโs different between men and women. Women like I said fold their arms more, so if theyโre folding their arms, that may not be a potential telltale sign of deception, because it could be, theyโre cold.
A lot of people also fold their arms when theyโre bored. When people get bored in a conversation, thatโs like their way of tuning out. They fold their arms, they might roll their eyes, and might lean back the kind of like, โLook Iโm done. I donโt want to talk about this anymore.โ Again, thatโs partially a defensive behavior. Theyโre shutting down, theyโve closed off communication with their body. Theyโve put that barrier there.
Another reason is it could be a form of comfort. When weโre little weโd like hugs. When you get older, you still like hugs. But why? Because itโs a comfort. It is a squeezing. You feel like someone is holding you. Youโre safe.ย
When youโre in certain positions and you see some people folding their arms, it may not be because theyโre deceptive, it may not be because theyโre cold, it may not be because theyโre bored. It may be because they need a little bit of security.ย
Theyโre folding their arms in an effort to kind of hug themselves and theyโre pushing on it, you know flexing their muscles as they fold their arms, to give themselves that compressing feeling on their torso, to try to comfort them through whatever situation theyโre going through or thinking of.
They may not even be going through a situation. They could be having the most fun in their life. But all of a sudden, a thought hits their head and they revert back to something and they fold their arms, clinch in, to try to comfort and get away from that thought. So, there are a number of reasons that people can fold their arms, which is why it is essential, that you look for patterns in clusters of behavior.
What is a cluster? A cluster of behaviors in body language would mean doing multiple deceptive acts at the same time. Not just speaking, but multiple deceptive body language displays or demonstrations. So, since this is tip number one, you may not know of a lot of others.ย
So weโre going to get into them. I mean youโre going to learn of them later. So if someone folds their arms, that could be one potential sign. If theyโre talking to you and their lips are moving. No. Iโm just kidding there could be another sign.
But when theyโre talking to you, their voice could change. There are a number of vocal things that could happen that could tip you off and say, โWait a minute, this could be a lie.โ Then you see them fold their arms. Then you see them step backward.ย
Or you see them cross their legs and do multiple deceptive behaviors at once. Now you can know that they are lying. You see that and you say, โHey, look.โ This is one that puts your alert up. Now you start looking for others. Okay. โAm I seeing anything else on them that is showing that this is deception?โ and you say โno.โ Okay. Maybe theyโre folding their arms for some other reason.
But if you see them fold their arms and something else is happening now. You may think okay they fold their arms- check. Okay. Theyโre backing up- check. Okay. The voice changed-check. Theyโre lying.ย
But itโs not going to happen in a sequence like that. Most of the time these behaviors are going to happen instantly, simultaneously, and they may only stay there for a fraction of a second or even a couple of seconds.
A genuine unconscious emotional expression is very, very brief. It happens quickly, it goes away quickly. Thatโs how you know itโs real. This is why any time youโre in a position where you could be in a deceptive situation or you want to make sure youโre not getting the wool pulled over your eyes, you need to be paying attention all the time. 100%.ย
Because if you look away and are distracted you may have missed that emotional expression of deception. But donโt worry if you do, because there will be more. Liars always continually display these signs because the unconscious is truthful.
Simply because someone crosses their arms. It doesnโt mean they are being defensive. However, if you see someone cross their arms, step backward, maybe they frown, shake their head? Now you can know theyโre being defensive.ย
You didnโt even need to listen to this podcast to know that when someone frowns, shakes their head, and backs away. You can immediately tell. You just know. Youโre like, โthat person is not interested. They donโt like what Iโm saying. Theyโre not with it.โ So you can immediately know that based upon that cluster or pattern of behaviors. But that is the main thing in deception tip one, liars will often fold their arms defensively in an unconscious attempt to minimize body language.
Keep an eye out for clusters of behaviors because simply because someone is folding his or her arms does not always mean theyโre being deceptive. There are other things at play here and you need to pay attention to all of them.ย
Keep your eye out for the big picture and youโll start to see all of the things that make up the little picture. So share with your friends. Subscribe to the feed. Check out the YouTube videos. Follow the blogs. Take a look at my books and tune in every week for a new deception tip.
Video Transcript
Hey guys, my name is Spencer Coffman. Thank you for watching theย deception tips videosย that are all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that you will know when someone is lying to you.
In this video, weโre going to talk about the first deception tip, which is about arm folding, and how it has many different meanings. That is a key thing when it comes to reading people and determining what body language means is to remember that many different signs always have many different meanings, and no one sign is an exact indicator of deception.
So today weโre going to talk about arm folding, and the different things that it could mean. So here it is, this is deception tip number one.
Liars will often fold their arms defensively In an unconscious attempt to minimize body language.
So that was the first deception tip. Keep in mind, arm folding can look different depending on the person and depending on whether or not they are male or female. For example, men tend to fold their arms a little higher on the chest. Women fold their arms a little lower across the belly. So that could be two different things. If you see a man folding his arms lower, that may mean something. If you see a woman who folds her arms a little higher, that could also mean something different.
There are many different scenarios that you can see and that you can watch. In addition, reverse variation of arm folding, which is something that is really kind of odd and you donโt see it too often, but there are certain people that do it. They fold their arms behind their back. And this is something that is a strange gesture because it looks out of place and not very many people have that shoulder flexibility to be able to do so. So thatโs kind of like an outlier gesture, that if you see someone folding their arms behind their back, And you think, โoh, arm folding means XYZโ, well this isnโt stereotypical normal arm folding, so that would be something different.
But letโs get into what the different things that it could mean when someone folds their arms. So, for example, if someone folds their arms and itโs cold outside, what could be a reason that they do that? Well, they could be cold. In addition, this is typical, the most common response, and the most common meaning when someone fold their arms.
If you were to ask 10 people on the street and find out what they think it means when someone folds their arms, most people are going to say it means that that person is being withholding, or defensive, or something like that. Theyโre trying to keep something. Theyโre being a little bit defensive, theyโre on edge. And so that is also something that arm folding could mean, but you have to keep in mind that arm folding alone does not always mean that. For example, suppose I fold my arms, and I kind of lean back like this.
What does that mean compared to if I fold my arms and Iโm leaning in like this? If Iโm leaning back while folding my arms, that kind of could mean that, well, Iโm kind of withdrawn from the situation, I donโt really like whatโs being said, Iโm resisting, I have my arms folded in an attempt to block whatever maybe spoken about or whatever could be happening.
Conversely, if Iโm folding my arms and leaning in, that tells you that Iโm invested in the conversation and that I may like whatโs going on. Iโm engaged. Even though my arms are folded, my body is situated and oriented towards whatever is happening. So that is an example of a pattern or cluster of behaviors, which is something that we are going to talk about a lot throughout all of these videos.
Because patterns and clusters of behavior are exactly what you need to look for. For example, arm folding by itself could mean that someone is full, it could mean theyโre defensive, or maybe they are a little bit insecure or feeling vulnerable, so theyโre folding their arms in an attempt to kind of give themselves a little bit of a hug. Or give that kind of a feeling of a hug.
Then thatโs a comfort gesture. So there could be plenty of different meanings of this one gesture. But when you start to see it with other things, such as leaning in or leaning back, or if you see someone fold their arms and cross their legs, and multiple different gestures happened with that, Now you started to build whatโs called a pattern, or a cluster. And each of those gestures, though they could have many different meanings, through the pattern, you can start to narrow out what those meanings are.
So for example, if I fold my arms and then you can say, โalright, well heโs either cold, heโs giving himself a hug, or heโs being defensive or withholding.โ Then if I lean in, now do you say, โwell, heโs probably not cold, โcause heโs not going to lean in. Itโs probably not going to be a hug, because now heโs looking engaged, so itโs not going to be defensive either. Maybe heโs just folding his arms as a comfort position, or a normal position that means nothing.โ Or, if I fold my arms and I lean back, now you can say, โwell, thatโs probably folding the arms for defensive, and because heโs leaning back, which could also be resisting or drawing away. That could be the defensiveness area.โ
So by using multiple different gestures and putting them together into a pattern or cluster of behaviors, you will be much better able to determine what one specific gesture means.
I want to thank you for watching these videos, I would love it if youย subscribe to the channel on YouTube. Feel free to leave any comments you have there as well. Also, if you would like some more information on any of this,ย we have books,ย podcastsย andย blog postsย all available onย SpencerCoffman.comย that are all dedicated to teaching you exactly what every body is saying.
Until next time.