
Deception Tip 43:
A liar may hesitate or use stalling tactics, such as asking for the question to be repeated or rephrased.
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Podcast Transcript
Hello and welcome to the deception tips podcast where you will learn amazing cues to detect deceit that will help you read people like never before, Iโm your host Spencer Coffman, letโs get started.
Hello and welcome to episode 43 of the deception tips podcast. Last time we spoke of a cool sign about touching the neck or back of the neck, when people start to lie, or when theyโre telling something that is untrue. It could be something as simple as a little white lie that they think isnโt a big deal but remember the unconscious doesnโt care.
Whether itโs a white lie or a red lie, a high stake lie, or a low stake, whether itโs simple or huge, meaningless, catastrophic, whatever the case may be, the unconscious mind doesnโt differentiate.ย
It says itโs either true or itโs not true, itโs either the truth or itโs a lie and if itโs a lie, then more and more body language leakage is going to appear because the unconscious wants the truth to go out.
Itโs the conscious that justifies these things, that says, โNo, itโs just a white lieโ or โNo, no oneโs really going to get hurt by that lieโ or โIt’s a lie of no significanceโ, itโs still a lie, it doesnโt matter. So, the truth will come out via the unconscious, via signs of body language leakage that you can pick up on and use to discover the truth.
So, we talked about the back of the neck, when liars say these words, oftentimes, theyโll reach their hand and put it on the back of their neck. You see this all the time, sometimes in movies and in other situations usually, itโs around like politics or political meetings, like city council meeting, stuff like that where people are all together in those rooms.
Theyโre asking questions, theyโre talking to someone, thereโs a panel and theyโre up in the front of the room behind their little podiums or desks or whatever. Everybody else is in the stands or in the seating area and one person or two people are talking, like a courtroom situation that type of a visual. Youโll always see someone putting their hand to the back of the neck when answering a question.
This is done to sort of massage away that tension and stress, remember we talked about that a lot, stress and tension. Anytime someone is telling a lie that stress level and that tension level are absolutely through the roof. There is no avoiding it unless you are a sociological or a pathological liar, which means you lie all the time and youโre very good at it, itโs comfortable for you.
In that case, they are an outlier, there is an exception to the rule which means that youโre probably not going to witness a lot of signs of deception when they lie because itโs so natural for them. However, other people, are going to demonstrate these signs because they have a lot of stress and tension, and uncertainty.
They do not want to get caught, they want people to believe the lie, a lie is unnatural, and all of these signs of leakage are coming out. So, they are able to be seen if you know what youโre looking for, so they can massage away that stress and tension in the back of the neck. Remember we also mentioned a couple of times ago when we talk about a tense neck that was back in episode 38.
So, itโs more than a couple of times ago, but itโs when the veins of the neck may protrude, and their neck is tense. Remember theyโre massaging way that tension by putting the hand to the back of the neck, which also goes with the tense neck. Because if their veins are protruding then obviously itโs tense, so watch for that hand movement back there. So that is that, a little recap for you of last week and touch on episode 38.
So, if you havenโt heard those before then I really encourage you to listen to them anywhere you can. Wherever youโre listening to this just find those previous episodes, check them out.ย
Also, check out all the other episodes if you havenโt heard them because they are all providing you with some great information on detecting deception and reading people.
So, today we have a new deception tip, one that is more of a speech pattern or a way of people talking and conversing with others. Weโve touched on a few of these before, they are very popular when people talk and itโs something to watch out for when people are speaking. Itโs a good one because you can just hear, all you need to do is listen for it.
Weโve touched on them like when we talked about people speaking in the third person, that was episode 33. We also talked about them when we had people who pledge their truthfulness using anti-life statements back in episode 24, distancing language in episode 18, those are all some popular ones when people are talking.
We have converting statements which is a huge one in episode 9 and then also episode 5 contractions, thatโs one of the most easily recognizable. This one is going to be a rephrasing technique that liars are going to use to give themselves a little bit more time to think about and answer the question.
So, here it is, deception tip number 43, a liar may hesitate or use stalling tactics such as asking for the question to be repeated or rephrased. Here it is again, deception tip 43, a liar may hesitate or use stalling tactics such as asking for the question to be repeated or rephrased.
So, what does this mean? Well, itโs very simple, basically, you see it when people are trying to answer something that is a little bit uncomfortable for them. Usually, it results in a direct question or explaining yourself, such as when someone might be needing an excuse when they have either done something or when theyโve been accused of doing something.
Usually though, if they have merely been accused of doing it, theyโre going to respond immediately. Theyโre going to be upset, theyโre going to respond, theyโre going to defend themselves right away. So, that is a little side note or a little bonus tip that you can use when detecting deception if you think or suspect a couple of different people may have stolen your money or something.
You accuse them both separately, of course, and whoever responds the quickest and defends himself faster keep an eye on them. This isnโt always true, but it might be true most of the time, obviously, youโre going to need to look for other patterns and clusters of behavior.ย
When people generally respond right away and defend themselves, most of the time it is because they are innocent and they want to convince you, they want to profess that.
However, a liar is probably going to be a little bit more dynamic and a little bit more fluid in terms of they are going to have like a strategy or theyโre going to have like a plan of attack to convince you they didnโt steal your money. Theyโre going to have an alibi lined up, theyโre going to be convincing, and theyโre going to be a little bit more methodical.
Thatโs only if theyโve prepared that lie and anticipated that they are going to be accused. If itโs on the spot or spontaneous then they may not know what to say which then maybe they will use this, rephrase the question or repeat the question. So, weโre going to talk a lot more about this coming up right after this.
Have you ever gone to purchase a vehicle or appliance and werenโt really sure if the salesman was telling the truth? Now thereโs a book that will help you spot the telltale signs of lying, itโs Spencer Coffmanโs โA Guide to Deception.โ Grab your copy today at spencercoffman.com or any major retailer.
Once again, we are on deception tip 43 where we are talking about different ways that liars may stall, it is a stalling tactic and itโs repeating or rephrasing the question. So, if you havenโt listened to the other podcasts that led up to this one, I encourage you to go back and listen to them.ย
Also, with this episode, I encourage you to share with other people, listen to it again and again so that you really remember the information, and talk about it with other people.
If you discuss it with other people, then you will be able to learn it a lot faster. Also, take note of when you use it in your own life and then ask yourself whether or what you said after that was a truth or a lie.ย
Remember if itโs even a little bit untrue, it counts as a lie according to the unconscious. Weโre only talking about absolute truths with the unconscious, itโs things that are for sure true, itโs not the little white lies, all of that is considered a lie.
So, if you used one of these statements or something in your own life, then chances are what you may be saying next or what you said after that could be somewhat untrue. Yes, it may not hurt anybody, but it still might be untrue. โHey, how you are doing today?โ โGood.โ โHow do you like my haircut?โ โWhat was that?โ โHow do you like my haircut?โ โOh, itโs okay.โ
Maybe you really didnโt like their haircut, but you didnโt want to tell them that obviously because youโd hurt their feelings and be like a really big jerk. So, obviously, in society and in polite society, there are things that we do. โDid you like your gift from your grandmother?โ โNo, I absolutely hate it.โ Well, youโre not going to say that, why? Because thatโs terribly rude.
Youโre going to say, โYeah, I did, thank you Grandmaโ and then later you probably like, โYou know, I really donโt like this gift, can we take it back?โ Then after a couple of months, Grandma forgets about it or she wonโt be worried about it anyway unless you have the type of Grandma that looks around for the gifts every time she comes over.
Anyway, liars use these tactics, these stalling, hesitating tactics, repeating or rephrasing the question. So, this can be done in two different ways, weโre going to talk about the second way later on. The first one is what weโre talking about right now, I will touch on the second one today, but otherwise, keep listening because it will come up in the future as its own tip.
So, when you ask the liar a question such as, โDid you steal my money?โ They might say, โIโm sorry, I didnโt hear you, could you repeat that?โ Thatโs a way that could say if it was a little bit more complicated question, did you steal my money is pretty straightforward. If it was something a little bit more technical or complex then they might say, โCould you rephrase that,โ or โWould you ask it in a different way?โ
Those are a little bit more unique, usually, people arenโt going to ask that, theyโll just say something like, โCould you repeat that pleaseโ or โI didnโt hear youโ, โWhat was that?โ Something to get you to say the question again. Why do they do this? It is because they need a little bit more time to mentally prepare for their lie. Now, youโre saying well a little bit more time, it only takes me a second to ask the question.
It doesnโt matter, itโs a little bit more time for them to take that stress level from about a thousand percent down to nine hundred percent. By hearing the question once, their conscious mind is already spinning at a million miles an hour, that hamster wheel is moving super-fast. Then they say can you repeat that boom, now you repeat it.
From the time they heard the question initially to the time that you finish saying it and then they pause for a couple of seconds to respond, thatโs going to be a period of like 5 to 10 seconds. This means they have that much extra time to plan and think and decompressed and rehearse their lie one more time so they can tell it to you and be a little bit more confident that you will believe it.
Now rephrasing is a similar type of a deal, that one is going to take even more time because they would say, โCould you ask it in a different way?โ That means youโre going to have to think up a different way, ask them then they can say something like, โOh, I understand, I know what you mean.โย
This is a further stalling tactic then they can get to the question, which could be a 10 to 15-second time-lapse which would really give them some time to level out, to respond to you, and try to convince you of that lie.
Now, the other side of this is when they might repeat the question themselves, so if you say, โDid you steal my money?โ They might say, โDid I take your money? No.โ Then they would go on to their explanation. Obviously, this is a yes or no question, these types of questions that youโre going to more likely experience this with are going to be the open-ended type or the storyline type.
Such as, โWhere were you on Thursday night at 2 p.m. in the afternoon on such and such date?โ Then they might say, โWait a minute, what was that again?โ Then theyโd said, โOkay. Well, where were you on Thursday night at 2:00 p.m. on such and such date?โ โOh okay. Letโs see, on Thursday, letโs see, at noon I was probably, okay, so at two I was probably around here.โ
So, look at all that time that it took from the initial moment of asking the question to now, they had a little bit more time to prepare and respond to that question. Now that was a combination tactic, they got the target to repeat the question then they repeated it themselves. So, now the liar had double-time to respond and come up with that lie.
Obviously, most of the time theyโve already thought of the lie but on a spontaneous question or something out of the blue, this tactic could be used a lot more because then they actually need a little bit more time to think of the lie that they are going to tell, so as always, watch for this.
Now, you may see this with a couple of other behaviors, shocker, right? There are always going to be clusters and patterns of behavior that you need to watch for. So, this one obviously since it is speech, there could be any type of gesture or any type of body language movement that goes with it. This means that you need to watch out for those things like symmetrically.
Touching the neck could even happen during this when theyโre coming up with their answer like when theyโre trying to think, they could do all kinds of things such as any of their lip movements or mirroring movements, which you could use to help out with this. Certain things like stepping backward, locking the ankles, watching out for their eye contact, stuff like that.
All of those little things that weโve talked about before that are behavioral because usually, theyโre not going to use multiple verbal signs at once. They may stack them up such as asking for the question to be repeated and then saying it again themselves, which are two signs. Plus, you can watch out for any other signs of body language such as physical movements that go along with that.
As always, you can stack the deck, so you could set them up for those movements such as having them prepare coffee while asking them this question. Remember we talked about that way back in episode 4, physical tasks. So, you can use all of these and try to get them to do as many as possible to see whether or not they really are telling the truth.
Once again, I want to thank you for listening to the deception tips podcast. Remember to share it with your friends, subscribe to the feed, check out the deception tips blog, also the deception tips videos, take a look at my books, and as always, tune in next week for a new deception tip.
Video Transcript
Hey guys, my name is Spencer Coffman, thank you for watching theย deception tips videos. Theyโre all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that youโll be able to tell if someone is lying to you. Today, we have a cool tip about communicating with other people and how people respond to certain questions.
Itโs something weโve talked about before a little bit when we talked about โyesโ and โnoโ answers. Also, when we talked about quick answers way back when and itโs a stalling tactic or a delaying tactic when answering a question. So, here it is, deception tip number 43. A liar may hesitate or use stalling tactics such as asking for the question to be repeated or rephrased.
Now, these stalling tactics are something that is very hard to determine because usually, itโs a part of everyday conversation. So, if you ask me a question and I say, โWell, can you repeat the question pleaseโ or โCan I hear it againโ or โWhat do you mean by XYZ?โ So, oftentimes, if you ask me a hard question and I need some more time to think of it maybe I would do something like, what do you mean by this and get you to rephrase it without directly asking you to rephrase it.
So, these types of things are stalling tactics and theyโre not something thatโs normal. Most people when theyโre asked a question and when theyโre asking questions, they expect answers right away, they expect an answer now. I asked you the question, you should be able to answer because I asked you a question about something that you know about.
Where were you last night between 10:00 and 2:00? Well, letโs see, 10:00 and 2:00 p.m. I was probably sleeping, you know that. Whereas, if you need more time to think about it, then that could be suspicious and stalling tactics usually in normal conversation they donโt need to happen.
Itโs like when we talked about yes-or-no questions and I asked you a yes-or-no question and you all of a sudden give me this big long answer. Hey, wait a minute, a yes-or-no question means yes or no, itโs really simple, yes or no. I donโt need the whole explanation, I donโt need all the stuff, itโs not an essay question, itโs a yes or no question.
So, when people use stalling tactics such as, well, can you repeat the question or can you use it in different words, can you rephrase that question? Okay, what do you mean by this word or this word? Those are all stalling tactics that really donโt need to be used unless youโre talking to someone who isnโt natively speaking whatever language youโre talking to them in.
So, if I was talking to someone whose native language is not English and they say can you repeat the question or can you rephrase it or what does this word mean, thatโs a legitimate reason, they probably donโt understand what weโre saying. But, if youโre talking to someone whoโs native in English, they should really know what youโre asking and if they donโt know what youโre asking then they could potentially be stalling.
So, in that case, pay attention to those other verbal things weโve talked about such as quick answers of โyesโ and โnoโ, such as things like โyesโ or โnoโ questions when they donโt answer โyesโ or โnoโ or things where they really are starting on a huge essay question or these stalling tactics or those truthful behaviors such as, to be honest, or to tell the truth.
If you see any of those added things in language, contractions, splitting them apart, all that stuff, thatโs all patterns and clusters. So, if you ask a question and then you hear that stalling tactic of rephrasing the question then pretty soon you notice theyโre not using contractions, they are answering yes or no questions funnily, things like that, thatโs a pattern and a cluster of behaviors.
Of course, there are going to be other body language signs with that but pay attention to all of that together because there will be a ton of patterns and clusters and individual signs of leakage that are going to be flowing out when theyโre telling a lie that you can pick up on and steer the conversation to hone in on where their lie is and why they are lying.
So, if this is your first time watching these videos, I would love to have youย subscribe to the channel on YouTube, feel free to leave any comments or questions on there as well. Also, if youโd like some more information, weโveย got books,ย podcasts,ย blog posts, all available onย spencercoffman.comย that are dedicated to teaching you exactly what every body is really saying.
Until next time.