Deception Tip 45 – Hushing Lips – How To Detect Deception

Hello and welcome to the deception tips podcast where you will learn amazing cues to detect deceit that will help you read people like never before. I’m your host Spencer Coffman, let’s get started.

Hello and welcome to episode 45 of the deception tips podcast, I encourage you if you’re liking this podcast, if you’re enjoying it at all, if it’s benefiting your life, etc. 

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So, here we are this is like I said, we’re on episode number 45, but before we get into the sign of deception or the deception tip for this week, we have a little bit of a recap on what we talked about last week.

We discussed a sign of stress or defensiveness, stress, and tension, something that you may not know is lying until you poke and prod a little bit further. You need to look for those signs, those extra signs, those clusters, and patterns of behavior that go into that. 

We talked about the neck dimple and how it is a pacification gesture, it is massaging that area, and they are pacifying the urge to release the stress and tension on that nerve.

Remember, there’s a huge nerve that runs down the front of the body right down the sternum and that nerve is something that when people are stressed and tense, they need to massage away and feel a little better. 

So, the neck dimple area which is the V spot on the top of the sternum where the collarbone meets the middle directly under the throat area below Adam’s apple, that V in the bone, that is the neck dimple, so people sometimes massage it, touch it, etc.

In addition, if people are wearing a necklace, typically it is with women, they may fidget with that necklace to pacify the urge to massage the stress and tension away from the neck dimple. In addition, men, often wear button shirts or maybe they have a tie on, they may fidget with the top buttons or may adjust their tie or fidget with their tie knot as a pacification gesture in an attempt to pacify that urge to massage away the stress and tension in that nerve on their neck dimple.

In addition, some people who may not even wear a tie or a necklace or button shirt may just massage that neck dimple. So, you may walk in on the conversation later and see that someone’s neck is really red there or it’s blotchy and you may say well what’s going on. Well, they were probably recently massaging that area to release that stress and tension.

So, now it is your job to see why they are full of stress and tension, what is making them so stressed, is it because they are lying, or is it because of something else? It could be the situation, it could be the environment, it could be the people, it could be any number of factors that go into that. So, it’s your job to look for patterns and clusters of behavior to see whether or not it is a lying situation or whether it is something else.

So today, we have a different sign of deception, this one is something that is very unique in that we haven’t seen anything like this before. However, we’re going to talk about them coming up a lot more because it is something that people do unconsciously just like all of these other signs of deception. 

It is also one that is a direct, forceful sign in that they are directly telling themselves to do something. It is something with a gesture and it is very apparent, and you will be able to spot it now that you know what it is because when you see it, it sticks out like a sore thumb.

So, here it is, this is deception tip number 45. Liars may place their hands or fingers over their lips in a hushing position as if they are telling themselves to shhh. Here it is again, liars may place their hand or fingers over their lips in a hushing position as if they are telling themselves to shhh.

We’re going to dive into this, liars may place their hands or fingers, so what does that mean? Well, their hand or fingers, so typically think about this, it’s the shhh position. So, when people tend to tell someone else like if you’re in the movie theater or something and people are talking, what do you do to them? You shush them, so you put your finger, usually, it’s your index finger over your lips and you tell them shhh and that is the shushing position or you tell them to shush.

If you remember the old TV show called Get Smart it was really hilarious, agent 86, 99, you had Siegfried and it was with Don Adams, the chief was in there, Larrabee, okay, you get the idea. In one of the episodes, they’re over at Chaos, it’s Chaos in control and Max is over there at Chaos and he tells Siegfried or something shhh and Siegfried says we don’t shush here and it’s just hilarious. So, I want you to remember that, remember the shhh, it is a shushing position.

When you shush someone, you’re telling them to be quiet, you’re telling them to stop talking. So, when someone shushes themselves, they’re telling themselves to stop talking. Usually, this means because they’re about to give up some type of information or they’re about to tell something that they do not want to tell, it’s a self-hushing position.

We see this in other varieties, sometimes they may use both hands, one hand, can take on various different forms or shapes. Before we get into all of that and the different varieties this may take and the different forms that may have and the reasons behind it and why it happens, we have to take a little break. So, all of that is going to be coming up right after this.

It doesn’t take long to read, and it’s filled with tips on detecting deception. It’s Spencer Coffman’s deception tips eBook and contains over 100 cues to detecting deception, available on Spencer Coffman’s website or any major retailer.

Here we are once again, we are on deception tip episode 45, number 45 about shushing and I really hope that you guys are taking advantage of this, that you’re listening to all of them, that you’re sharing with your friends, talking about them and really mirroring them on each other, showing each other what they look like, practicing spotting them so that you can really know how to read people and detect deception.

So, we need to dive into this a little bit more and why it happens, so basically, we’re going to break it down real simple. When you tell someone to shush or be quiet, you’re telling them to be quiet, which means stop talking or stop making noise. You do not want them to make any more noise, talking is a form of noise, it’s audible, you can hear it, so for now, we’re just going to blanket everything into noise.

So, whether they’re making noise loudly walking or shuffling their papers, or talking, it’s all noise. We’re going to focus on the talking, the speaking noise because usually when we’re talking about deception it’s about verbally talking. So, that’s what we’re going to focus on with this type of shhh and noise. So, when you are telling someone to hush, you’re telling them to stop talking.

When someone does this on themselves, it’s usually because they are talking or they are about to give the truth up and they are hushing themselves saying unconsciously no, stop talking. Now, it depends, there are two sides to this, if it is the unconscious giving this gesture, typically it is because the conscious is trying to tell a lie. So, the unconscious is self-hushing the lie, saying no, do not tell this lie, I want you to tell the truth.

So, the unconscious is giving the self-hushing behavior, this is the only one or one of the only behaviors in which the unconscious is actually saying no, do not talk, do not tell the lie. Usually, the unconscious allows the conscious to tell the lie and says, “Hey, you can tell that lie but I am going to give out all kinds of leakage and signs of deception so that someone else can pick it up.

Well, this is a form of leakage and it is a sign of deception, but it happens either during or before the lie is told, so it is self-hushing. The different forms it can have, well it could be like a finger over the lips. Typically, you would see this with one hand, maybe they put their hand on their chin, and then a finger goes right over the lips and the tip of the finger, this is usually the index finger, it touches the bridge of the nose, so they have one finger directly over the lips.

Usually, it’s like a thinking position, however, that could be a self-hushing position. Another demonstration could be when someone has their hands folded together and their thumb and index fingers are extended so it looks like they have a fake gun, but they take that and they rest their chin in their thumbs and then put the two fingers right over their lips, that’s another self-hushing position.

In addition, it could come like when people fold their hands but instead of folding them, they’re straight together almost like the praying hands you see and they would put both of their hands, and touch their index fingers to their lips. So, it’s like ninja praying hands extended from their lips, that would be another self-hushing position.

In addition, it could even take more drastic forms such as clapping the entire hand over their mouth almost like in movies when you see people gasp and cover their mouths something like that. They would put their entire hand over their mouth, it almost looks like they’re silencing them or about to kidnap themselves, that is another self-hushing and a little bit more extreme.

So, if you see any of these or even a variation of these signs, so remember any fingers over the mouths, any hands over the mouths where it’s completely covering. It’s not while they’re talking, it’s something that happens when they’re not talking. They’re hushing themselves then they’ll move it away and all of a sudden start to tell the lie or tell whatever it is, so it is that type of self-hushing position that occurs.

Watch out for these because they may lead to other signs of leakage. So typically, as I said, you would see this before the lie then the lie is going to come out and the unconscious says, “Hey, wait a minute, I was trying to stop this lie from being told by self-hushing. 

Now that the lie is being told, I am going to display other signs of leakage.” So, now you would watch for the other signs of deception that we talked about over the past several months, over the past 44 other episodes we’ve done, you will watch for those.

Keep in mind there’s always going to be more than one sign, so you’ll be able to see these behavioral patterns and other signs of leakage, clusters of behavior. In addition, you need to watch out for those because it may not always mean someone is lying. 

So, if you see one, maybe the self-hushing position, it might not be for lying. Maybe they were thinking about something or maybe they were thinking about something else entirely, you never know, which is why you look for these other signs.

So, when you see this, notice that it is a precursor, it could be a sign of deception, watch what follows and see if you can find any other signs of deception with what they’re saying. When you see those other signs, now you need to refocus on them, target them together and see if you can pick up on those signs that the unconscious is pushing forward. Remember I talk about the conscious and the unconscious like they’re two separate beings fighting with each other.

The unconscious is okay, I’m going to prevent the conscious from telling a lie, I told the lie, okay, it won, now I’m going to leak some signs of deception. Remember though that they are two elements of your one brain, it is not like they’re two separate beings, it’s really like one is hidden and one is forefront. It’s not one is dominant over the other anything like that, but it’s easier to relate to them if they are two separate entities, kind of a fightback and forth.

Really though, it’s your one mind, conscious and unconscious battling back and forth one is trying to get away with the lie, the conscious is, and one is trying to stop or prevent the lie or make the truth known, that is the unconscious. Obviously, in some situations, the conscious may realize the truth needs to come out and they may consciously tell the truth.

In that case, the conscious and the unconscious are in agreement there, so then you typically wouldn’t find any signs of leakage or deception but it’s still something to note that it’s all one element, it’s all one brain but for terms of relation and understanding that’s why I break them up like that. So, watch out for different signs, and different patterns, and always pay attention to the clusters.

If you notice one sign of deception, then you need to make a note of what they said around that, maybe five to ten seconds before and after, and then come back to it, prod them again and see if you notice another sign. Because if you can notice multiple signs within one little area that you keep coming back to then it’s a pretty good chance that there’s something going on with whatever they’re saying on that topic.

I want to thank you for listening to this week’s episode of the deception tips podcast, I hope that you’ll share it with your friends, subscribe to the feed, check out the deception tips blog and the deception tips videos, take a look at my books, and as always, tune in next week for a new deception tip.

Hey guys, my name is Spencer Coffman, thank you for watching the deception tips videos. They’re all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that you will know if someone is lying to you. Today, we are going to talk about a cool tip that is a battle between the conscious and the unconscious. They’re fighting it out, the unconscious wants that truth to come out and the conscious wants to get away with the lie.

It is self-serving, it wants to avoid pain, seek pleasure, whereas the conscious is pushing for that lie and the unconscious is trying so hard to let the truth come out. So, here it is, deception tip number 45. Liars may place their hand or finger over their lips in a hushing position as if they are telling themselves to shh. So, this one is important, you all grew up with a parent that told you to shh or be quiet and when they did, there was often a gesture incorporated with that noise.

Usually, it is the hand or index finger primarily, going right over the lips telling them to be quiet. This gesture is exactly that, you won’t hear the audible shushing of it all, but you will see the finger or even a hand or whether it’s two fingers, something like that, over the lips, it is an unconscious gesture. Remember there’s that battle between the conscious and the unconscious and this is taking the place of the unconscious battling, telling the conscious to be quiet because the conscious is about to tell that lie.

It is going to push forth and it is going to speak and tell the lie whether it’s omitting the truth, covering something up or blatantly lying, it’s something that isn’t true. The unconscious doesn’t care whether it’s a white lie, a full lie, if it’s partially true and it just leaves out some details, it doesn’t care, it wants the truth to come out. Therefore, anytime that there is that lie you may see this behavior.

As I said, it could appear in any form, whether it’s one finger, whether it’s a hand, maybe it’s both hands up there, maybe it’s like where they put it like a gun almost and then their chin would rest right in the crook of the index finger and thumb. So, it almost looks like they’re thinking but it’s really a self-hushing behavior. Consciously and unconsciously, there is a battle and they are wondering or contemplating whether or not they’re going to go forward with telling this lie.

Whether or not they are going, to tell the truth or not saying anything at all, it’s that battle and it’s really going on. This is the contemplating stage, it’s right before the lie is going to be told, this person is really deeply thinking about what is about to happen. So, you’ll see this when you have the person, maybe you are telling them, “Hey, we’re going to talk about this later on” or “We’re going to talk about this, go wait in your room or sit at the kitchen table.”

For police or interrogating situations, they put the suspect in the room, sit them at that table, in the chair then they are all looking behind the two-way mirror and then they’re waiting to go into the room. They’re going to see this behavior because it’s contemplating right before the person is going to come in and start asking them these questions and then they have to tell that lie.

So, that’s when you’re going to see it, they’re thinking, they’re contemplating, it’s a battle between the conscious and the unconscious. The unconscious wants the truth, the conscious wants the lie, so this is a self-hushing behavior, they’re telling themselves to be quiet.

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Until next time.