Deception Tip 78:
Be careful to listen to the entire story, as words can often have more than one meaning. Use context to determine whether or not they are being deceptive.
Hello and welcome to the Deception Tips podcast where you will learn amazing cues to detect deceit that will help you read people like never before. I’m your host Spencer Coffman, let’s get started.
Hello and welcome to Deception Tip episode number 78. Today we’re going to talk about something that we touched on several times before. However, this is going to be more like the overview of it all or the whole pie whereas before we only talked about individual pieces of that pie. So, that’s going to be very interesting for you and very beneficial in your lie-detecting strategy, your interrogation techniques, etc.
Before we do that, let’s recap what we talked about last week, we discussed Introverted People. Something that I need to specify is that we talked about highly introverted people, it wasn’t simply regular introverts or introverted tendencies.
Similar to how people can be either introverted or extroverted, some people are more introverted than others and some are more extroverted than others. Beyond that, you have further out on the line.
So, let’s say there’s a line, there’s the middle line, which is completely monotone, you’re neither introvert nor extrovert. A little bit out from there, there’s introverted and extroverted, then even further out from there, so now there’d be three, and then the out two would be five lines. So, that’s five lines on this line, those guys on the outsides would be highly introverted and highly extroverted.
So, we’re talking about the highly introverted people and they are different than everyone else. They will respond differently than everyone else, everyone else even the highly extroverted, the regular extroverted, the somewhat introverted, and the normal middle line, will all respond the same way because an introverted person, when they are being questioned or confronted, they don’t like that.
Introverted people don’t like the social interaction, the talking, the entire speaking out of it all, being heard, they’re introverted for crying out loud. Extroverted people love the spotlight, they want to be heard, they want to talk, and they want people to hear them. Therefore, when you are questioning anybody, whether it’s a little bit extroverted completely extroverted, or highly extroverted, they will talk.
Why? It is because they want to talk, it helps them to feel more comfortable, the more they talk the more comfortable they feel which the better off you’re going to be because they’re eventually going to stumble and trip over their tongue or reveal the truth or something. Whereas introverted people, they don’t really like to talk, they’re a little quieter, they’re shy.
So, for you, if you’re confronting them and making them even more stressed, it’s not going to get them to talk like it might an extroverted person. Therefore, you need to allow them to make themselves a little bit more comfortable, you’re going to have to be a little more lenient. If they say; get some water, you may have to go get some water, things like that.
They may exert control over that situation so that they feel like they are in control. They want to feel like they are calling the shots a little bit so that they feel more comfortable in that environment and in that situation.
You may have to work with them a little bit on that, give them a little wiggle room, then when they feel comfortable they’ll probably open up a little bit and talk which then will lead you to the truth.
That is the goal, you want to discover the truth, you are trying to detect deception and spot lies. So, keep that in mind, introverted people are going to be different in deception detection.
They are going to respond differently because they are wired differently, they’re wired to be a little bit less outgoing than everybody else. Therefore, they’re not going to simply talk unless you make them feel comfortable because talking for them is already uncomfortable.
With that said, let’s move on to the deception tip for today, we’re talking about the Entire Story, how important it is for you to let the liar speak or let the person speak. You want to let them talk and we’ve talked about this a couple of times in past episodes, I’ll touch on those a little bit.
Before we touch on them, before we dive into this, here it is, Deception Tip number 78. Be careful to listen to the entire story as words can often have more than one meaning. Use context to determine whether or not they are being deceptive. Here it is again, Deception Tip number 78. Be careful to listen to the entire story as words can often have more than one meaning. Use context to determine whether or not they are being deceptive.
Alright, that was a big tip, this is probably one of our longest tips of all of these deception tips. Basically, you need to listen to the whole story because their words can have more than one meaning, a word can mean more than one thing. It could sound the same, mean different things like the word ‘read and read’, they’re spelled the same, sound different, have different meanings.
Like ‘see and sea’. What, you said the same thing? No, I didn’t, see like I can see you and sea like the ocean type of a sea, a dead sea or something like that. There are words that can have more than one meaning. In addition, the context of the word, ‘awesome’ could mean a couple of different things even though it’s the same word.
‘Good’, good might mean what you think is way excellent but someone else, they may say good isn’t really that good, it’s a little bit above bad. So, there can be more than one meaning in people’s words even if it is the same word because they can use these adjectives or adverbs differently to put different meanings on their sentences and how they speak them.
So, that’s why it’s very important for you to make sure you listen through the entire story then you’ll have full comprehension of exactly what’s going on, hopefully, you’ll understand a lot better.
You’re going to use that to determine whether or not they are being deceptive because while you’re listening to the entire story, you’re going to hear all their words. You’re going to see all their slip-ups, the verbal and nonverbal cues, all the different signs of deception, etc.
It’s going to be very important and that is a really good reason right there why you need to listen to the entire story. As I said, there are a couple of other tips that we’ve talked about in the past, about you being quiet and letting them speak so that you can understand the whole story and a little bit more about other things. What types of stories liars tell, and we’re going to talk a lot more about it and we’re also going to review all of those coming up right after this.
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Welcome back to Deception Tip episode number 78 where we are talking about the importance of listening to the entire story. It’s very important that you listen through the entire story that the liar is speaking. Let them go until they’re satisfied because remember, liars are trying to convince you of their lie, that’s their goal. They want to speak until they’re convinced that you believe the lie.
In addition, they’re also trying to convince themselves of the lie because they know it’s not true. Remember, as I said, we’ve talked about this several times before way back in episode 13, Stay Silent. We talked about how important it is for you, the target, to stay silent because it allows the liar an opportunity to continue to speak and trip over their tongue, contradict themselves and thus reveal the truth.
Therefore, if you are quiet and you let them talk, they will continue to speak, hopefully, they’ll contradict their story and reveal the truth. You can say hey, what about this, a minute ago you said that, you’ll get them all flustered, riled up and you’re going to find the truth. In addition, in episode 17, we talked about detailed stories, how generally when people talk the stories don’t have a lot of detail, remember my watermelon story.
We talk and we say things as a general picture, if a liar is telling a story and there’s a ton of detail, humans don’t really remember that, we don’t remember all that detail. If they’re going to say all this detail, it was 4:02 when all this happened, the temperature was 78 degrees. No one remembers all those details when they’re telling a story.
When someone tells a story, they’re telling the general narrative, the overview, and then the details come in later. In addition, it’s non-linear, we remember things all over the place, we don’t remember a sequence of events, we remember the consensus and then we piece in the event.
Remember that liars don’t tell a lot of details, so by allowing them to continue to talk, you’re going to allow them to fill in the questions that you might have. Their story as they’re talking about it might have a couple of gaps and they may bring them back in later and come full circle so you have an entire, complete pie or a whole picture, keep that in mind.
We’ve talked about it several times throughout all the other tips, but the next big one was in episode 65 where we talked about how liars really prefer to conceal the truth rather than come up with an entirely new story. This is because it’s easier for them to remember something that they already know about.
It’s easier for them to tell half of the truth and supplement the ending or change a few things or leave something out because that way they don’t have to remember an entirely new lie. They only have to lie about a couple of things rather than the whole thing. So, if you let them talk, chances are you are going to hear most of the truth. You just need to figure out a few parts that might be false or that might be left out.
You can easily determine that by having them repeat the story or using other tactics like telling it backward, things like that, in an effort to solicit more nonverbal body language or unconscious signs of deception. That will really help you, therefore, let them tell you the whole story. Remember there was another one, episode 69, Becoming Silent or Become Silent is what it was called.
It’s important for you to become silent so that they will continue to talk until they are convinced that you believe the lie, that means letting them tell their entire story. By allowing them to speak and tell the whole story, you’re also going to make them a little bit uncomfortable.
Usually, when people are in conversation, somebody’s always interrupting somebody, someone always has a question about something, someone’s not paying attention and they ask someone to repeat something, that’s normal conversation. So, if you are interrogating somebody or trying to get the story from them and you allow them to talk, they’re going to think something’s a little off.
They’re going to feel a little bit strange because it’s not normal for them to experience that. Now they’re going to be a little bit on edge which could be good for you because you’re adding to that stressful environment of telling the lie. You can use that to your advantage and say ‘hey, telling the truth makes you feel a lot better’ or whatever you want to say to get them to put the truth forward so that they start to speak more of the truth.
In addition, they’re going to trip up, there is always more than one sign of deception. As long as they continue to lie, they will continue to display nonverbal and verbal signs of deception. Whether it’s some kind of a body language gesture, a slip of the tongue, breathing, or their eyes, anything, there’s always going to be more than one sign. So, pay attention, and remember to look for the patterns and clusters of behavior.
If you think you see something, come back to it, talk to him again about it and see if you see it again or notice it again. Pay attention to those signs, for those patterns, for those clusters of behavior. Allow them to talk, I know it might be hard, we’re all guilty of interrupting people or jumping the gun, trying to put words in their mouths because we think we know what they’re going to say and we’re impatient.
I’m very guilty of it, you just ask the people that know me, they’ll say he’s always interrupting us. I try really hard to let them talk but a lot of times I think I know what they’re going to say, sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t, sometimes they just get frustrated.
Either way, in this situation, you want to let them continue to speak so that the truth will come out because they will contradict themselves. They will show multiple signs of deception and you will be able to see them and find the truth.
So, I want to thank you for listening to this week’s episode of the Deception Tips podcast. I hope that you’ll share it with your friends, subscribe to the feed, check out the Deception Tips videos, the blog and take a look at the books I have available and, as always, tune in next week for a new deception tip.
Hey guys, my name is Spencer Coffman, thank you for watching the Deception Tips videos. They’re all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that you will be able to tell if someone is lying to you. Today, we are talking about a certain tip that is related to two other tips we’ve talked about before. This one is important, it’s more of a strategy or a tactic that you can use to keep the lies coming.
Why would you want to keep the lies coming? Well, the thing is when someone is lying to you, you want them talking, you need them to continue to talk until they’ve convinced you or convinced themselves that they’ve convinced you. Obviously, if they’re lying, you don’t want them to convince you because then you’d be fooled and hurt by lies and the whole goal of this is for you to spot these lies and not be hurt by them.
So, when someone is talking and is telling this lie, they’re trying to convince not only you, they’re also trying to convince themselves that you’re convinced and they’re trying to convince themselves of the lie. If they start to believe the lie, they might not display any of this leakage because they’re believing it as a truth, so when they’re doing this, you want them to talk.
We’ve talked about this, as I said, a couple times before, back in episode number 13 with Staying Silent and how it’s important for you to stay silent and let them talk. Again, we’re talking about a little bit more today on the same lines of that. So, here it is, this is deception tip number 78. Be careful to listen to the entire story, as words can often have more than one meaning. Use context to determine whether or not they are being deceptive.
So, listen to the entire story, remember that goes again, stay silent, as I said in 13, but also, we talked about it probably 10 or so episodes ago in number 69 with Become Silent. That one is important, that’s when you’re in a conversation, you become silent, you stop talking to allow that awkward silence to happen. When that happens, the liar’s comfort level goes from bad to worse.
Remember they’re already uncomfortable, they’re stressed, they’re tense, they’ve got all this stuff to worry about, getting caught, telling the lie, believing the story, consequences of the actions, of the lie, etc. So, when there’s that awkward pause, it goes from bad to worse, imagine pausing for 30 seconds. So, this one is Entire Story, you can use those other two, Deception Tip 13 and 69, Become Silent, Staying Silent, use that to help you listen to the entire story.
Let them talk through the whole thing then as they’re talking, you can be taking notes, okay, wait a minute, I think I noticed something right here when they said this, I think I noticed something else when they said this. After they’ve said the whole story then you can go back and say, when you were talking about XYZ, what did you mean by that?
Don’t interrupt them throughout the story, let them finish the whole story then come back and pick it apart piece by piece with each of the different signs a deception that you’ve noticed. What this is going to do is number one, it’s going to allow them to talk, they’re going to become a little bit more at ease, they’re going to become a little bit more confident.
They’re going to think, okay, I’ve got this in the bag, it wasn’t so hard, now their guard is going to go down then you start pulling apart every single thing in their story. They’re really going to get frazzled and certain things like maybe you saw a sign of deception at this point and you start to pick that point apart, you’re going to see more signs of deception.
You can just keep going down that rabbit hole then you move on to the next one and then the next one and the next one. Pretty soon, they’re going to be so messed up that they’re going to tell you the truth or they’re going to slip up and you’re going to find out the truth. So, that’s why it’s important to listen to the entire story.
So, if this is your first time watching these videos, I’d love to have you subscribe to the channel on YouTube. Feel free to comment with any questions you may have as well. Also, if you’d like some more information, we have books, podcasts, and blog posts all available on spencercoffman.com that are dedicated to teaching you exactly what every body is really saying.
Until next time.