Deception Tip 101:
Learn to recognize the signs of deception and remember to watch for clusters of behavior. Liars always display more than one sign.
Hello and welcome to the Deception Tips podcast where you will learn amazing cues to detect deceit that will help you read people like never before. I’m your host Spencer Coffman, let’s get started.
Hello and welcome to Deception Tip episode number 101. Thank you so much for getting this far, this will be the last Deception Tip episode, so thank you again for getting here. This is great, you’ve listened to 100 other deception tips, this is 101, congratulations, you have made it, let’s get started, let’s dive right in.
Last week, we talked about how liars may use jargon or details or extra stuff to sound more intelligent, they want to sound smarter and more believable. Remember, the goal of someone who lies, they have several goals but the main goal is to get the target to believe their lie.
Not only are they trying to convince the target of their lie but they’re also trying to convince themselves of the lie and those around them. In addition, they are so stressed and so worried because they have to keep the lies straight, remember it all, convince themselves, and convinced the target.
They’re probably trying to lie about something to avoid a consequence or cover something up, so they’re also worried about that then they’re worried about getting caught. If that’s not enough, they’re worried about the punishment of the lie on top of the crime, if they do get caught, so there is so much going on inside of them.
In addition to all of that, they have their conscience telling them lying isn’t right, so now they’re worried about that. All of this is boiling up inside of them, it’s stress, it’s worry, it’s tension. All of this is boiling up and that’s why they display so many of these deception signs, this body language and if you’re paying attention you can see it.
So, they will try to use this jargon or these special terms or these details to sound more believable, more credible, and more intelligent than they really are. Why are they doing this?
They’re doing it because they hope that using all these terms will help other people believe them and that they will get away with this lie. It’s like using bigger words or multi-syllable words to try to sound more intelligent, they use this jargon.
What you can do is use this jargon against them, ask them more questions about it, deeper questions about it. Get into more statistics and more facts, how big is the company? When was it made? Do they have any studies? You mentioned XYZ area of the body or the brain, what about this area or what does it do for you, or what does it do in general?
How big is it? What does it look like? Where did the term come from, is that Latin or Greek? Any questions, it doesn’t matter, ask these questions. Don’t ask them in a barrage like I just did for you with boom, boom, boom, rapid-fire, no, you want to ask them in terms of sincerity and endearment, so slow down, ask the question, allow them to respond.
‘Where did that area get its name? Is that a Latin or a Greek term?’ They’re probably going to tell you they don’t know then you can move on and say, ‘okay, well, we’ll have to look that up. Maybe Alexa knows, Siri, Catana, ask Google’, wherever you can keep going, and then ask the next question.
Use it as a conversation, draw it out, and if they start getting very frustrated, remember you’re watching for their emotional responses. If they are genuinely telling you the truth, they will generally be happy that you are asking more questions about it, they will be excited and they will want to help you learn more. If they are lying to you then guess what, chances are they’re going to become very frustrated and irritated and defensive.
So, you’re monitoring their emotional response, not their knowledge here. You could be monitoring their knowledge if you really want to know their knowledge. If they really do know what they’re talking about then they’re probably going to give you all that knowledge, so be ready for that as well. If you’re really not interested in the statistics of it all, you might get it.
This week we’re going to talk about another tip, this is the final one, this is an overview tip on signs of deception and how important they are in conversation, it is so important, guys, that you learn these tips. If it wasn’t important then I wouldn’t be spending so much time on this, think about it, think about all the time I’m putting into this to teach you guys this.
I’ve written a couple of books, I’ve written three books, A Guide to Deception, Deception Tips, and then Deception Tips Revised and Expanded. Those books take hours and hours, I’ve got writing, editing, formatting, layout, cover, all this stuff, we’re talking 200 hours a book and that’s not an exaggeration, it’s probably even more than that.
I’ve got Facebook pages, website material for all of them then we’ve got all these podcasts that I’m doing. Each one is like a half an hour, multiply that by 101, that’s a lot of time, that’s 55 hours, roughly. 110 would be 55 hours but then you talk about posting, that’s just editing, a half-hour and stuff like that.
We’re talking, posting, and marketing the page promoting, so I would say it’s 55, 60 hours in this whole thing, not to mention it’s a commitment every single week, I’m loading them up.
We’ve got videos in addition to that, five-minute videos, half-hour a piece, we’ve got a lot of time there, I’m dedicating a lot of time, this is important, it’s very important.
I’m not saying that like, oh, I’m doing all this work, it’s such a hassle. No, it’s important, that’s the message I’m trying to convey here, that all of this work is worth it because this is such an important topic for you to learn about.
I hope you realize that and I hope you see the value and I hope you share that with your friends and your family. Not just because it’s my content and I want you to promote it. No, it’s because it is important.
So with that, here it is, this is Deception Tip number 101. Learn to recognize the signs of deception and remember to watch for clusters of behavior, liars always display more than one sign. Here it is again, Deception Tip number 101. Learn to recognize the signs of deception and remember to watch for clusters of behavior, liars always display more than one sign.
There are a few things in that tip, you have to watch for clusters of behavior, that is so important, you’re looking for patterns. This isn’t just a one thing and done, you’re looking for a pattern and a cluster of behaviors, liars will always display more than one sign.
You’re looking for clusters, of course, there’s going to be more than one sign, watch for them, pay attention to them, and use them to help you learn more about the person and about deception. We’re going to talk a lot more about these patterns and clusters and signs of deception and all of this stuff coming up right after this.
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Welcome back to Deception Tip episode number 101, the final deception tip episode. This is exciting, we’re talking about how important this is, how important it is for you to understand these signs and recognize these tips so you will learn how to read people and detect deception.
Why is it important? Well, do you want to be lied to, or do you want to be taken advantage of by lies? Do you want to be hurt? I hope not. If you do, you probably have some kind of self-defeating mechanism, something is wrong with you, sorry to say but something is wrong. If you want to be hurt, down, or broken all the time, something is wrong with you and you need to talk to somebody about that.
Most people don’t want to be taken advantage of and worked over and lose their everything on lies. That’s why this is so important, this is protecting you, protecting your livelihood, protecting those around you. It’s learning how to recognize, how to see through all of this nonsense because guess what, there are so many people out in this world that are telling lies.
Lies are a part of everyday conversation and everybody is out there to try to take advantage of someone else, to try to work someone else over, to profit, to gain something for themselves. They don’t care who they step on and they don’t care who gets in the way. You need to see through that, otherwise, you’re going to be a speed bump on the road, stand up and be a traffic cone and let them go around you.
This is important, read people, detect deception, show them you’re not going to put up with their nonsense and you’re going to see through all that because if you don’t, you will become that speed bump. It is also very important to share this with your friends and family because do you want them to be taken advantage of? No.
Share it with them and if they don’t want to learn it and they don’t want to understand it, that’s their own fault. You can only lead the horse to water, you cannot make them drink, that’s the point here, share it, do your part and help them. It’s also going to be important for you, if you’ve got some friends, make a study group. If you’ve got some family that is interested, get together, talk with them, and focus on signs together.
Use them as an accountability partner. ‘Hey, remember he said last week to practice XYZ, did you practice? Have you watched any TV on mute lately? Have you used any of the negotiation tactics? Have you spoken deeper, and ask deeper questions that make you seem like you care more? Have you probed and prodded into people’s hearts in your conversations lately?’
Use each other to help you guys learn more about deception and detecting deception. ‘Hey, did you read the last two chapters of his book last week?’ I don’t care if you haven’t used my material, obviously, if you’ve listened to 101 episodes, you like my material, so I would encourage you to use all of my material.
It’s not even expensive, all the videos are free, all the podcasts are free, the blog is entirely free, and you can read them all there. I mean, really guys, it’s all pretty cheap, you can buy the books for like 20 bucks, and you can get all three books depending on where you get them. You can do audiobooks, you can do prints, you can do eBooks, you can do all three, you can contact me and I’ll even help you out.
The point is it’s not expensive, you’re just looking at a time commitment, give it the time, and learn the material. If you want, you can get on with other people, you can pay a ton of money to take courses from people who are on LinkedIn. There’s a very predominant lady on there that sells courses for a ton of money. It’s a lot of money and yes, she has some good courses but the content is the same.
You can get on with practically the founder of deception detection, he’s got micro expression training, subtle expression training, sideways training, all kinds of training. His tools are great but they’re going to cost you a fortune. So, pay attention, as you learn more, you’re obviously going to want to invest more in this skill and learn more.
You think about a college degree costing 50 grand and you think about a deception education degree and it might only cost you a few hundred bucks. The education you’re gonna get is going to help you so much in life, in negotiation, in skills, everywhere. Think about negotiating with someone, you can read them, you can call through their bluffs, boom, you got the deal.
You’re not going to get taken advantage of by the car salesman who sells you this car and it turns out to be a lemon. You’re going to go into a business deal and be able to see the body language right away and you’ll be like, ‘wait a minute, I thought we were going to have a deal here. Based on this, we don’t even have a deal yet, what’s going on, it’s not worth my time, see you guys later.’
They’ll say, ‘wait, come back, how did you know?’ You’ll say, ‘I know, I can read you guys.’ ‘Alright, we’ve got a deal, we’re going to move forward because we were going to come in here and try to jerk you around and get a better price but it’s not going to work, we can tell that.’
Stuff like that is not going to happen every day but I think when it does, you’re going to be so happy that you dedicated the time and a few hundred bucks to learn about this skill and learning this skill and putting it to use. So, you’ve learned all these signs, you know what, if you want, I encourage you to go through, start at episode one again.
Listen to them all again, keep learning, keep listening, listen to them on double speed now so it only takes seven and a half minutes instead of 15. Get that skill wrapped into your mind and put it in there over and over, learn to recognize these signs. Watch for these patterns and these clusters of behavior because seeing these signs is not enough.
You need to see the signs, you need to see multiple signs, and you need to bundle them together into a pattern and a cluster of behavior. Use that to determine, hey, I know that that person is lying, I don’t know what their lie is yet but I know they’re lying. Now I need to dig deeper into their story and find out where this lie is happening then I will know what the lie is and I can call them out on that lie.
Remember, not every lie needs to be called out, you just need to get into where they’re lying, find the threads, pull those threads, and see which gets stuck and which can unravel. That’s what you’re going for, liars will always display more than one sign. There is a battle going on between the conscious and unconscious. The conscious is telling those lies, and the unconscious is leaking sign after sign to push the truth.
As long as the conscious is lying, the unconscious is going to be leaking body language, deception tips, and all kinds of stuff are going to come out and it’s your job to see them and notice them.
You need to make these signs a part of your conscious so that when they’re unconsciously leaked, your unconscious is now part of the conscious. It notices them, serves them up to your conscious, and bam, you will no longer be taken advantage of by lies.
So again, I want to thank you so much for listening to the Deception Tips podcast. I really hope that you do share it with your friends, subscribing to the feed at this point really isn’t going to help but do it anyway.
Check out the videos, those are going to help a lot, the blog, and take a look at the books I have available. Sadly, you’re not going to tune in next week for a new tip but I want you to tune in one more week because I’ve got a special message for you, so tune in next week, one last time.
Hey guys, my name is Spencer Coffman, thank you for watching the Deception Tips videos. They’re all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that you will be able to tell if someone is lying to you. Today, we are on our final deception tip, this is a great tip, it’s something that we’ve talked about many times throughout all of these episodes.
I’ve mentioned it over and over again but this one, we’re dedicating a tip to it because it is very, very important. So, here it is, this is Deception Tip number 101. Learn to recognize the signs of deception and remember to watch for clusters of behavior. Liars always display more than one sign. This is very, very important. As you’re going through, you’re reading people, you’re detecting deception, there is a huge battle in the conscious and unconscious of anyone who is lying, remember that.
Their conscious is self-serving, it wants to get away with things, it wants the easy way out, it wants to escape. Their unconscious is truthful, it does the right thing and so they’re battling head-to-head. What happens is the conscious can consciously put on a mask or fake things and just let it go. The unconscious can’t, it’s behind, it’s behind the scenes, so what can it do?
The only thing it can do is try to sneak things out between the conscious and it leaks these signs of deception all over the place. We’ve talked about them, they’re on the head and the neck, the arms, the legs, the fingers, in speech, on the face, everywhere. It may be with the fingertips, touching the eyes, feet, legs, all over, we’ve talked about several of them.
You can use any of the tactics to try to get them a little bit more frustrated, but the main thing is to remember that the unconscious is exactly that, it’s unconscious. Therefore, it’s behind the scenes, it’s working to push the truth out through the cracks and that’s what you’re looking for. You’re looking for these signs of deception, these patterns of behavior, these clusters of behavior that fit together.
Folding arms may not mean defensiveness, it may mean simply that oh, they’re cold. However, if they’re folding their arms, they’re crossing their legs, they’re leaning back, they’re hunched over, they’re turning away, that’s a pattern, that’s a cluster. They may be being withholding or defensive, so you need to watch for these.
We talked about this before, check out the card here, it’s in Deception Tip number seven long ago with Clusters of Behavior. It’s something that you’ve got to watch for, you need to pay attention to because if someone is lying there will always be more than one sign, I guarantee it. The reason is because the unconscious is truthful and will keep pushing to get the truth out, it will keep leaking those signs for someone else to pick up.
Up until now, you seeing that leak has been unconscious, because the unconscious knows the truth but your unconscious, you haven’t been paying attention to it. Now you’ve started learning these unconscious behaviors and you’ve taken them and moved them into the conscious, so you’re bringing the unconscious to the conscious. When you see these unconscious behaviors displayed by other people, you know what they are because you have learned them, and you can see them and pick up on them.
You’ve brought them to your conscious and you can call them out on their lies and know when someone is lying to you, you will not be hurt by their lies anymore. Remember there will always be more than one sign, watch for patterns and clusters of behavior, review these tips as many times as you can, make them a part of your conscious, comment, ask questions, always keep learning.
So, if this is your first time watching these videos, I’d love to have you subscribe to the channel on YouTube. Feel free to comment with any questions you may have as well. Also, if you’d like some more information, we have books, podcasts, and blog posts all available on spencercoffman.com that are dedicated to teaching you exactly what every body is really saying.
Until next time.