Deception Tip 60: Dominate Space
How To Detect Deception
A Guide To Deception
Deception Tip 60:
Confident people tend to dominate the space they occupy, whereas liars take up the least amount of space possible.
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Hello and welcome to the Deception Tips podcast where you will learn amazing cues to detect deceit that will help you read people like never before. I’m your host Spencer Coffman, let’s get started.
Welcome to episode 60 of the deception tips podcast. This is quite an accomplishment, 60, you have been listening for six zero, 60 weeks of the Deception Tips podcast. Thank you so much for your commitment and your desire to learn more about detecting deception. You know what, if you would like a free audiobook of my book, A Guide to Deception, you get a hold of me and let me know.
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Last time, we talked about a sign of deception that was related to five other previous tips that we talked about. It was just mentioned slightly in the five other tips, except for one, episode 40 ‘Take up Space’ that we talked about it heavily, so that was it, taking up space. We talked about how people who tend to tell lies will sit with their feet under them as a comfort gesture. Why? Well, because telling lies for most people is uncomfortable.
Most people are not liars, most people, well, they are liars, everybody lies, remember those stats? People tell a couple lies in five to 10 minutes of conversation, some say they tell over a hundred or 200 lies a day, that’s a lot of lying. So, we are liars, but most people are not naturally comfortable liars, they’re not the pathological liars or the psychopaths or sociopath type.
When they lie, they feel that, they feel their conscience telling them that it’s wrong, they have a moral compass guiding them. Therefore, when they lie, it’s uncomfortable, thus they do a comfort gesture such as hugging themselves, which we talked about, like folding the arms in episode one or picking up their feet, sitting on their feet or with their feet in the chair, like a comfort gesture to provide them with that kind of a hug feeling or the less space, goes with taking up less space, episode 40.
We’ve talked about with the ankles, how they can lock the ankles and back them away in episode 56, we also mentioned in episode 22 with the locked ankles. All of those are similar to the take up less space, similar comfort gestures because anytime they’re locking in the ankle, they’re kind of pulling on it, they’re giving tension, releasing stress, releasing tension, providing comfort, so that’s what that is.
Today, we have another tip, we have a similar tip. I mentioned it last week, how that if you wanted to get ahead you could take a look at the deception tips blog or the eBook or whatever and you could read up ahead and see which tip was the future one, the opposite of episode 40, ‘Take up Space. Well convenient, it’s episode 40 and now we’re on episode 60, so that’s good for you to remember.
The two that go together, 40 is ‘Take up Space’, 60 is going to be kind of the opposite, it’s ‘Dominating Space’. So, whereas in episode 40, we talked about how liars will take up less space, in episode 60, we’re going to talk about how non-liars take up more space, confident people take up more space. This goes hand in hand with what we talked about last week.
Remember when I said typically, you’re going to see the girls sitting more on their feet or with their feet whereas the guys aren’t. Generally, guys are a little bit more confident than girls. Again, I’m not dogging anybody here, guys are typically more confident. Whether you want that to be confident or arrogant is up to you. Girls are typically less confident whether you want it to be less confident or timid or weak or whatever is up to you.
You guys, I know you can put your own words in there, but I’m saying it’s confident and less confident because that’s what it is, that’s the genetics. When a guy is around, he thinks he’s… guys are just like that, we think that, oh yes, we can do it, we can do anything, we can do it. Usually, we’re a little bit prouder. Girls, they tend to say, oh, I want someone to help me with that or I need help with that, or I don’t know how to do it, that’s how they are.
Why is that? Well, it’s because we were made like that to need each other, we’re made for that due to the purposes of marriage. Guys and girls can be together like that and the girl who was a little less confident, the guy who’s a little more confident, they’ll balance each other out and they will always need each other. That’s the little marriage lesson in that, that’s why it is that way, so I’m not dogging anything, it’s just the way it is. Typically, you’ll see this behavior more with guys.
So, here it is, deception tip number 60. Confident people tend to dominate the space they occupy whereas liars take up the least amount of space possible. Here it is again, deception tip 60. Confident people tend to dominate the space they occupy whereas liars take up the least amount of space possible. This is important, remember in episode 40 how we talked about liars take up less space.
Well, this is something that is very interesting. In episode 40 we said, when telling lies, people may curl up in an effort to take up as little space possible, curling up, preventing other people from seeing the bodily leakage that may occur. If unconfident people or liars want to take up less space to prevent others from seeing all of this, confident people who want to take up more space, what do they want?
They want people to see them, confident people like the spotlight, they want the audience. That’s why they’re so confident, they’re confident that whatever they’re doing and whatever they’re saying is right and that people should listen. I’m not saying overconfidence or arrogance here, that’s foolishness, I’m saying confidence as in knowing what’s going on.
You take a look at confident people you look at people who are great leaders in the world, they’re confident but they’re humble. I won’t name any names, they’re confident but they’re humble, they lead people, they are very influential, and they have a lot going for them. They’re successful, people listen to them, people follow them, usually, they know what they’re doing.
Even though most people say they’re crazy or they’re nuts or they’re insane or they need to stay off social media or whatever the case is, they know what they’re doing even though it appears like they don’t. That is the curse and the blessing of confident, entrepreneurial people, people like the leaders of huge companies, etc. Those types of people are the people who are confident, they take up a lot of space, they’re in the spotlight, that doesn’t mean they don’t lie, so keep that in mind. We’re going to talk a lot more about it coming up right after this.
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Welcome back to deception tip number 60 where we are talking about how confident people tend to take up more space than less confident people who take up less space. Why? Because confident people want people to see them, they want their message to be out there, they’re competent in what they’re doing. Whereas the people who take up less space such as people who lie, are not as confident in what they’re saying, they don’t believe it to be true because it’s not.
Therefore, they will take up less space to try to prevent other people from seeing the bodily leakage that happens. When people are confident, they like people to see because they have nothing to hide, that’s the key right there. When people are telling the truth, they tend to be more confident in what they’re saying. Why? Because they have nothing to hide.
When someone is lying, they’re clearly hiding something, it’s by definition, when they’re lying, they’re not telling the truth. Therefore, what’s being hidden? The truth, they are hiding the truth. So, when they’re telling that lie, the conscious and the unconscious are fighting as we’ve talked about before. They’re going to take up a little bit less space because they want to hide as well.
Not only are they hiding the truth but now they’re going to hide their body so that other people who they think can see through them because we always think that other people notice everything about us, oh my gosh, my hair. There’s a little bit of a spot that it’s not put together properly, everybody’s going to notice, and I’m going to get made fun of. No, you’re not, nobody will notice, sorry, don’t be so full of yourself, no one notices that kind of stuff.
So, all of you high schoolers out there that believe that someone is going to notice the little spot on your shirt or the little blemish on your face, nobody will notice. If they do notice, they’re not the type of person that you want to be hanging out with anyway, unless they’re noticing for a good reason to help you out, that’s beside of the point. Most people do not notice all of these little things.
So, when people are lying and they take up less space and they think everybody’s going to see through them, remember most people in the general population cannot detect truth from falsity more than 50% of the time. That means for most people, reading others and getting to the truth, spotting deception is a 50, 50 chance, it’s a guess. So, when someone is lying and they’re curling up to try to hide, it’s an unreasonable belief that other people are going to spot those lies.
But that’s a good thing because you now know how to spot that and you can see it, so you’ll see when people are telling their story and their curling up and taking up less space, something might be off. They’re not very confident in what they’re saying, therefore, they could be lying, they clearly don’t believe what they’re saying.
So, if they’re making some kind of a statement about how you should invest with them or how their company is great or their business is good or their job is awesome, probably not because they’re not confident, they do not believe what they’re saying. So, this isn’t necessarily a direct lie, such as did you steal my money? Yes, I did. Or No, I didn’t. Oh, I’m curling up.
No, this is more of a character reference or an interview type question where someone is telling you something, they’re trying to sell you something. Hey, this car is awesome, it’s really good, I want you to buy it, there’s no problems with it, I replaced the brakes, the transmission, this, that. I’ve never had any issues and they’re curling up and you’re like, well, wait a minute, if you clearly don’t believe that it’s a problem car why do you want to get rid of it?
Oh no, it’s awesome. Well, probably not if you’re curling up like that, you’re hiding information. Obviously, you’re not going to tell him what I just said, oh no, probably not, you’re curling up. No, you’re just going to know in your head that based on their behaviors, they do not believe exactly what they are saying. You’re going to poke and prod a little bit more and try to find the truth because they are hiding the truth and they’re hiding themselves to prevent you from seeing that, so you need to open them back up and get at it.
On the other hand, confident people like this, they want to share this information, they’re going to be up straight, they’re going to be talking with their arms. They’re going to be spread out, their shoulders are going to be broad, they’re going to be squared, they might even be moving a little bit. They’ll be bobbing and weaving, kind of, they might be hustling with their feet, up and down, moving back and forth like they are jiving.
They’re going to be talking forcefully, they’re going to be talking at you, they may not be talking with you, they’ll be talking at you. They’re going to be showing you things, they are going to be telling you things, they’re going to be direct and forceful and it’s going to sound just like that, that’s how they’re going. As I was talking there, my hands are going, my shoulders are up, I’m square, I’m kind of moving back and forth.
It’s because when you’re confident, you are delivering the message with your entire body, your whole being believes what you are saying. You are pushing it out there for them to absorb and take in the full effect. They’re not only hearing your words, they’re seeing you move, they’re seeing your passion for this topic or for whatever it is and they fully understand.
Wow, this guy believes what he’s saying, he’s so forceful, so impactful that I’m going to listen or I’m going to follow him, this must be important, what is he saying. They’re going to go through that in their mind like what in the world. So, that’s why these confident and influential people, these public speakers, they move about the stage. They usually don’t have a microphone in their hand. Why? Because they talk with their hands, they want to show you that they love whatever they’re saying, whatever they’re doing.
Confident people dominate the space they occupy, they’re walking around that stage, they’re moving around, they’re using their hands, they’re using all the airspace around them. That whole personal bubble is like double what the size is because they’re moving around in it. They are showing you their passion for that topic, they are confident in what they’re saying, they’re dominating that space.
Whereas liars and timid people are curling up, hiding themselves, taking up less space, so very easy to distinguish the difference, very easy to determine them. If you haven’t listened to any of those old episodes that I’ve mentioned, I really encourage you to go back, listen to them. You can do so on deceptiontips.com, spencercoffman.com, iTunes, anywhere, listen to them and continue learning more and more about deception.
I want to thank you for listening to the deception tips podcast. I hope that you’ll share with your friends, subscribe to the feed, check out the deception tips videos, the deception tips blog, and take a look at the books I have available and as always, tune in next week for a new deception tip.
Hey guys, my name is Spencer Coffman, thank you for watching the Deception Tips videos, they’re all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that you will be able to tell if someone is lying to you. Today, we are talking about a behavior that is something that you witness all the time, this is very popular in business meetings or other meetings in general.
It’s also very popular when someone starts to think that they are a little bit more superior than other people or if they’re the boss then they have the right to be. Otherwise, you tend to see it a little bit more in men than women simply because it’s more of a natural tendency of men than women but it’s something that you want to be on the lookout for.
Again, watch out for this because depending on the situation, you could be running into something that is a little bit more harmful or a little bit tough. They could be lying to you, something could be happening, otherwise, if the situation is proper and it’s a correct situation then there’s nothing to worry about. So, you’ve got to pay attention to that and know the context of what is going on before you make any conclusions about whether or not someone is lying.
So, here it is, this is deception tip number 60. Confident people tend to dominate the space they occupy, whereas liars take up the least amount of space possible. Now, you’ll notice there are two things, number one, confident people tend to take up more space. This is because they want to show off, they want to show people what they have, what’s going on.
If you go to a business meeting and you look at the big conference table, whether it’s a big circle one or a square one, take a look around the table and you’ll see that people are competing for that tablespace, that real estate, why? Well, it is because whoever has the most stuff on that table, whether it’s their papers, their coffee, their little drinks, their pens, and all this other stuff, they have more control in the meeting.
That’s, psychologically, that’s unconscious, people just think that if they have their stuff sprawled out they’re more important, they feel more important because they have more. Whereas the other person who maybe is just sitting in their chair with their notebook and they’ve got nothing on the table, “Oh, they’re unimportant”. Well, that’s not entirely true, that’s just how everything is perceived, so watch for that.
Pay attention to it the next time you’re in a meeting, single out or watch for those people that tend to dominate and take up that space. Are they being confident because they’re really confident and it’s worthwhile, or are they confident as some kind of a false sense of security for their own insecurities that they need to show other people that they’re important or that they feel important or that people perceive them as important?
The other thing is liars take up the least amount of space possible, we talked about this in deception tip number 40 with ‘Taking Up Space’. How when people lie, they are having a battle between the conscious and unconscious, they are fighting, so the conscious wants the truth to not come out, it wants that lie. The unconscious is pushing so hard to leak all of these nonverbal signs, these verbal cues, gestures so that other people can see the truth.
Part of the conscious’ defense to that is it’s going to curl up so that the unconscious doesn’t have as much to work with to let those behaviors come out. Unknowingly, the conscious is providing a sign of leakage in and of itself, because you can know that when people tend to curl up a little bit more they may be hiding something, “may be” hiding something.
It’s not guaranteed, there could be any number of reasons, they could be cold, they could be feeling insecure, there could be who knows what going on, it could be a comforting gesture, any number of things. The main thing for you to remember for today is that confident people tend to dominate the space they occupy. Whether that means that they are telling the truth or whether that means they’re putting on a show so that their lie is more believable, you have to determine that from the situation.
So, if this is your first time watching these videos, I’d love to have you subscribe to the channel on YouTube, feel free to comment with any questions you may have as well. Also, if you would like some more information, we have books, blog posts, and podcasts all available on spencercoffman.com that are dedicated to teaching you exactly what every body is really saying.
Until next time