
Deception Tip 79:
Remember that body language is always truthful, and words can be deceptive. Always, believe body language.
Listen To The Podcast!
E79 โ Believe Body Language โ Deception Tips Podcastย โย Click Here To Subscribe
Podcast Transcript
Hello and welcome to the deception tips podcast where you will learn amazing cues to detect deceit that will help you read people like never before. Iโm your host Spencer Coffman, letโs get started.
Welcome to episode 79 of the Deception Tips podcast. Hopefully, youโve enjoyed your week and had a chance to practice all of the different Deception Tips that weโve gone over, there have been several of them. Of course, this is number 79, which means weโve gone over 78 different Deception Tips.
Hopefully, you have been thinking about them and watching yourself, looking inward and examining yourself, a little bit of self-awareness, to see if youโve noticed any of these behaviors on your own body.ย
If you have, that youโve been thinking about them and wondering whether or not you were lying or if they were simply an outward behavior that didnโt mean deception.
If so, remember those, and then when you see them on other people you can think about how they looked on yourself and what you were going through to understand a little bit more about what they may be going through.ย
If theyโre lying or if they were experiencing the same thing you were experiencing, give yourself a little bit more awareness of not only your own actions but also other peopleโs actions and what might be going on in their minds.
You may say, โoh, that doesnโt make sense because if something happens to me and I think one way, how would that make sense and how would it be the same on another person?โ Well, weโre all human beings and generally, when we have different behavioral thoughts and actions, they are pretty much standard. So, they may not be universal across all humans with their behavior, actions, and thoughts but they are pretty standard.
The behaviors and these deception tips and unconscious nonverbal and unconscious verbal behavior, that is universal. The thoughts behind them are not universal but it is pretty standard because weโre all humans, and we all behave in a variety of the same ways. That may be a little confusing but weโre a general pool, weโre the same species, we have the same mannerisms, characteristics, etc.
So, last week we talked about how it was important for you to listen to the entire story. The reason being, that words have more than one meaning, so you need to use context to determine whether or not people are being deceptive.ย
Basically, this means that when you are in conversation with someone, you need to pay attention from beginning to end. You canโt simply cut them off and assume the rest of their story or pretend you know or think you know what theyโre going to say next.
You need to let them say what theyโre saying and tell their story, that way when you are detecting deception, youโll know which parts of their story have holes in it or flaws. Of course, if you know theyโre lying instantly because they exhibited some kind of a sign or they slipped up in the beginning, you can stop them and call them out right there if the situation dictates it.
They will know that thereโs no point to continue lying to you because youโve already caught them in one lie, so now you want the truth, you mean business. In general, listen to the whole story, pay attention so you get the big picture, and you want the full context. In addition, the more you allow them to talk, the more opportunity you have to detect deception and spot those lies.
Remember, silence is also golden, if you can make them have that awkward silence and pause then they will get even more uncomfortable and start to slip up a lot more.ย
Remember, silence is already awkward and when they are lying, theyโre in an awkward situation anyway, theyโre stressed, theyโre tense. So, if you stay silent, their tension is going to go from bad to worse and they become even more upset or anxious about that.
Weโve talked about that a couple of times in the past, if you donโt remember those deception tips, I encourage you to check them out, you can easily find the videos on YouTube. Otherwise, you can find them in the Deception Tips eBook, you can find them in the Deception Tips book or The Deception Tips Revised and Expanded, and also back in the podcast, of course.
In case you need a little reminder on where they were, we had Deception Tip episode number 69, Become Silent and Deception Tip episode 13, Stay Silent, so you can check those out at your leisure. Today, we are talking about a new deception tip, remember it’s number 79, it is also about body language in general or detecting body language in general, exactly like last week.
So, this one is more a reminder to you that body language is truthful. So, here it is, Deception Tip number 79. Remember that body language is always truthful and words can be deceptive. Always believe body language. Here it is again, Deception Tip number 79. Remember that body language is always truthful and words can be deceptive. Always believe body language.
This is very important, words can be deceptive. Of course, they can because how else do people lie. Remember that sometimes people can lie non-verbally as well as verbally, by saying which direction should I go and they may point you in the wrong direction, that would be a nonverbal lie or a nonverbal form of deception.
They may also hide something from you, whether itโs under their hand or in one hand versus another like magicians when theyโre finding the little pea under the three cups, theyโre deceiving you and theyโre doing it non-verbally. So, people can lie non-verbally but in general, body language is what you want to pay attention to because body language is truthful.
Now, thatโs not entirely true because not all body language is truthful. I simply explained about pointing someone in the wrong direction or the Magicians moving the cups around, that is untruthful body language. What Iโm saying here is unconscious body language is always true. The reason is that remember there is that huge battle between the conscious and the unconscious.
The conscious wants the lie to succeed, the unconscious has that strong desire for the truth to come out, it wants to be truthful, it is truthful and it wants to defeat the unconsciousโ lies. So, thereโs that battle going back and forth, as the conscience tells lies and does its thing, self-serving, the unconscious is silently pushing forward the truth.
Letting little nonverbal behaviors slip, letting vocal behaviors slip, all kinds of unconscious deceptive gestures and language, speech, etc. So, you need to watch the unconscious and remember again that the words are harder to decipher when it comes to unconscious stuff. So, thatโs why if you pay attention to the body language, remember how many signs, theyโre all over the place.
Weโve got the legs, the face, head and neck, chest, shoulders, arms, everywhere. There are so much more areas on the body than simply the spoken words. So, if you pay attention to the body language, you have a much better chance of detecting deception. Weโre going to talk a lot more about all of this coming up right after this.
Tired of being lied to day in and day out? Want to learn how to spot a liar? Get the revised and expanded edition of the Deception Tips e-book on spencercoffman.com.
Welcome back to Deception Tip episode number 79. Today, weโre talking about how body language is always truthful, thatโs specifically unconscious body language, itโs always truthful. Thereโs that big battle going on between the conscious and the unconscious, weโve talked about it many times. The conscious wants the lie to succeed, the unconscious wants the truth.
Thereโs a battle, theyโre fighting back and forth for the front line, for the spotlight on the human body. So, if you pay attention to the nonverbal signs of deception, you have a huge chance of spotting these lies and detecting deceit. We talked about several different signs of deception, and you can have that repertoire in your head.
I also encourage you to have the deception tips ebook, itโs very simple, each one of the images in a nice little ebook fashion that you can swipe through as youโre standing in line or waiting around or in the doctorโs office. They will help you keep these deception tips sharp in your mind so that youโll always be thinking about what to look for and how to see them and when to spot lie.
After a while, it simply becomes a habit, youโll watch people and youโll see their interactions and you will have all of these tips in your mind and youโll just see and youโll say somethingโs not right, somethingโs going on.ย
They may be lying or they want to do this or XYZ and you may not know exactly what you saw as far as oh, I believe this because I saw this behavior and it links with this behavior and it formed this pattern and this cluster and this is what it means.
You may not even remember all of those anymore, it becomes natural, it becomes second nature and then it will become your first nature and itโs just a part of you after a while. Youโll just see it, itโs there and you wonโt know what signs you saw or what this and this.ย
Eventually, youโll start to put them back in but for a while, when you start learning, youโre just going to start seeing it and you may not even know exactly what you saw, you just know what it means.
So, keep that in mind if all of a sudden you feel like youโre starting to forget all the stuff you learned but youโre still spotting and understanding people and body language.ย
Youโre understanding what theyโre thinking and what they care about and knowing more about them. You are still interpreting their body language and their nonverbal and verbal signs of unconscious behavior, youโre not forgetting it.
Continue to pay attention to the body language that people exhibit because it is truthful. There are so many different signs, weโve only talked about 78 of them, 79 today, but this is kind of a general tip and they are all over peopleโs bodies. They canโt help it, remember that these signs are universal, they are the same across all species no matter what language they speak.
Thatโs another very important point because you may think well, I can only detect deception when Iโm talking with someone. No, thatโs inaccurate, you can detect deception, read people, and understand body language even if youโre not speaking with someone.ย
In fact, as Iโve mentioned before, when youโre starting out, itโs often easier for you to detect deception and read body language when you are not speaking with someone when you are observing.
Therefore, if you have a situation where you need to find out something from someone, write down your questions or write down what you need asked, or what you need said, or what you want someone to say. Give it to somebody and have them do the asking then you can sit back and watch the entire interaction because if youโre not focused on what youโre saying you can be more focused on what youโre seeing.
Alright, Iโm going to say that again, if youโre not focused on what youโre saying, youโll be more focused on what youโre seeing. Thatโs important because then you can sit back and observe the entire situation and youโll see more body language. Youโll hear more signs coming from their verbal, spoken language as well.
Now, if you have a situation where itโs in a different language, donโt worry about it, put yourself behind the glass or in another room or watch the video camera or who knows what and you can watch the body language without the interaction. A tip that Iโve mentioned before on how to improve your body language detecting skills was watching the TV on mute.
Thatโs something I mentioned before, weโre going to talk about it in a future tip in more detail, so Iโm not going to get into it right now, but it is something that will help you.ย
When you are watching other people, you want to be analyzing the entire situation. If youโre thinking about what youโre going to say next or how youโre going to respond to something, your mind is half distracted by what youโre talking about and what theyโre talking about.
If you can simply watch the body language, youโll have a lot more success in detecting deception. Keep that in mind when you feel like you should be the one doing the interrogation or when you feel like you should be doing the talking.ย
You can let someone else talk, you can watch the situation, and then you may gain a lot more understanding of what that person is thinking, what they may want, what they may be saying, if theyโre being truthful, deceptive, etc.
Youโll start to understand a lot more about whatโs really happening around you, so pay attention to body language. It is the only thing that is truthful no matter what as long as it is unconscious body language or little signs.ย
Youโve learned how to see them, youโll start to see them a lot more, theyโre the little unconscious gestures, they are 100% of the time truthful because the unconscious wants the truth to come out.
It may not always be contradicting the conscious and it may not always be representative of a lie, but itโs always a truthful behavior that they want to express, they being the unconscious. So, keep that in mind, you need to pay attention to unconscious gestures, behaviors, vocal slips, etc. The unconscious is always truthful.
So, I want to thank you for listening to this weekโs episode of the Deception Tips podcast. I hope that youโll share it with your friends, subscribe to the feed, check out the deception tips videos, the blog and take a look at the books I have available and, as always, tune in next week for a new deception tip.
Video Transcript
Hey guys, my name is Spencer Coffman, thank you for watching theย Deception Tips videos. Theyโre all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that you will be able to tell if someone is lying to you. Today, we are going to talk about just a general concept of this whole thing and what you need to look and what is important for you to believe.
Remember, when people talk, theyโre saying two different types, they are speaking two languages. Number one is that audible language that youโre hearing, number two is that hidden language that everybody speaks but almost nobody understands and thatโs body language. Hopefully, through the course of all these videos, if you checked out theย podcasts,ย blog posts, or any of that other material thatโs out there then you are starting and you can understand this body language.
One of these languages is truthful all the time and that is body language, so body language is what you need to believe which is what we are going to be talking more about today. So, here it is, this is Deception Tip number 79. Remember that body language is always truthful, and words can be deceptive. Always believe body language.ย
Body language is always truthful, why is this? This is because when people speak, weโre speaking from our conscious and when body language happens it is coming from the unconscious. Unless itโs something thatโs fake then it could be coming from the conscious.ย
Remember weโve talked about that with fake body language and fake expressions that they arenโt going to be symmetrical, congruent, spontaneous, simultaneous, all of those big words. Theyโre not going to match up with other things, with speech, with each other, with sides of the body, etc. You can review all of that in the past deception tips.ย
So, body language is truthful because it is coming from the unconscious. Remember the conscious and the unconscious are battling back and forth, the conscience is trying to get that lie out, the unconscious is trying to push the truth. When weโre consciously telling that lie through verbal, spoken language, the unconscious is working behind the scenes in body language.
Remember all of these tips weโve talked about, whether itโs certain things with facial expressions, gestures, hands touching the face, different finger gestures, lips, eyes or any of these different things that weโve been talking about, these unconscious gestures. So, what you need to do is believe the body language, pay attention to body language as well as listening to what someone is saying.ย
There are vocal slip-ups and thatโs unconscious as well, so the unconscious is pushing itself out through body language and sometimes through spoken language. Spoken language can be tricky because sometimes itโs false, sometimes itโs true, so we donโt really know but with body language, weโre certain because body language is always truthful.
So, pay attention to that, look for those patterns and look for those clusters of behavior because when you start seeing more than one, now you know it really is. If itโs just one sign like you just notice something, maybe someone touches their nose or they shrug a shoulder and you say, well, thatโs one thing, it could have been anything.
Remember way back in number one when we talked about arm folding, there could be multiple reasons. Maybe theyโre cold, maybe they are trying to huddle up, maybe they need a hug, or maybe itโs because theyโre being withholding and defensive, so there could be more than one reason for any of these signs. Even though folding the arms is an unconscious gesture, it could be done consciously, maybe I folded it consciously because Iโm cold.ย
So, remember that with all of these tips, there is more than one reason for any of them, so thatโs why you have to look for those clusters because the patterns and the clusters of behavior are going to be displayed unconsciously. If someone is lying, there will always be more than one sign and if youโre paying attention to that and you believe that body language as things happen, youโll start to see more than one thing.
Youโll say, okay, this sign happened, now this happened, now this happened, thatโs starting to become a cluster and a pattern of behaviors, Iโm pretty sure that personโs lying, why? It is because I looked at the body language and I know body language is always telling the truth and right now that body language is not going with whatever theyโre saying, so somethingโs off.
You donโt know what theyโre lying about, you donโt know whether itโs something that is going on that theyโre thinking about or something theyโre saying. You know something is not right and you can start to dive into that and examine it a little more. Remember, believe body language, watch for body language and keep an eye out for those patterns and clusters of behavior.
So, if this is your first time watching these videos, Iโd love to have youย subscribe to the channel on YouTube. Feel free to comment with any questions you may have as well. Also, if youโd like some more information,ย we have books,ย blog posts,ย podcasts, all available onย spencercoffman.comย that are dedicated to teaching you exactly what every body is really saying.
Until next time.ย ย